I think if Rob had not put me on the oral agreement...I might be better off. I am in enough of self-destructo mode that I am making up keeping the bargain in other ways...which is so absolutely stupid. I am already stressed about Mondays session. I have no answers for him...none.

I just know I feel gross and dirty and disgusting and that talking about why is making it worse right now. Then again, I also know that if I don't talk about it...I'll keep feeling like that...but right now I can't HANDLE feeling like this.

He's not getting my meds though...no way.