Wednesday, May 21, 2003

Day 30...

Well after 28 days I was finally taken off all monitoring...thank God! Right now there are a ton of people on meal supports and a lot of restricting going on which is triggering and that's the last thing I need.

To be honest, I am so sick of doing it their way. In the two weeks that I have been compliant, I have GAINED six pounds! I don't NEED to gain weight. I am so supposed to be LOSING weight. I am so frustrated and I DON'T trust Kim (my dietitian) anymore.

I am also no longer numb. I miss numb...numb was good...okay maybe not...but I am having an incredibly hard time dealing with them. I got switched from "Stress Management" to "Emotion Regulation" and I am so happy I asked my therapist about that. That means I have groups/therapy with her for like 4 hours on Mondays. Totally worth it.

My session with Rob were taken from me when I was self-harming and I filled the void my going to the gym. I earned the right to go and that is good. Except I am over exercising. Their way isn't working...I feel like I have to do something.

There is a few MHTs here that are a gift from God and I am so thankful for them. I trust them probably even more than Betsy (my T)...well Aaron at any rate. He needs to become a T...much better then law school and he is probably my #1 encouarger. Debby (another MHT and someone I can really trust) and I agreed we need to find someone just like him only 10-12 years older! I wish he'd bring in a picture of his wife...I want to see one so much! There story is so incredibly sweet.

Anyway, again I am in Rec. Art (or as I like to call it "wreck art") amd want out NOW! I cannot stand this group because my art is drama and this thing and Creative Memories..."real" art...not my thing!

I suppose I should go...I have no clue if anyone even looks at this...but since my brother added a link to this I figured I might as well!