Thursday, October 23, 2008

Food Police

I am doing OK food wise. Could be better, could be worse...but I haven't purged in four years, still have never binged, etc. I have not found a great way to eat when I am at the HP and I am working on it. Truthfully, I don't feel great when I eat there. ARAMARK does a fine job and I don't mean their food...I mean the stress/anxiety of event days just cause my appetite to flee and last week I felt downright sick to my stomach after eating before the Sharks game.

Enter Eric. I have no clue to even begin to describe our friendship and how much it means to me (which is weird as well). Eric, for some reason, has has taken to being Food Police. Here's the thing. Eric has NO clue about my history. I haven't told him and I highly doubt any of the four others at the HP I trusted enough to tell (well...the EMT after the Bon Jovi incident I had to tell...but I do trust her) would tell him. I just don't see it as general conversation material or even gossip. You should hear the diet/body stuff I have to deal with on a daily basis. Could that be triggering? Maybe. Probably. There are days... All that aside, the talk upsets me more than triggers me.

So the question, "Have you eaten today?" gets asked early and often. If I say soup...I have to say what it was and that it wasn't broth. This comes from one of the trusted people. The scary part is that she KNEW to ask if it were only broth. I think she had it all figured out before I told her a thing. It doesn't just come from Eric (obviously), but it becomes almost the first thing he says to me when I see him. We may text about Fantasy Football through the day...but the minute I step foor in Base and he's there...he asks.

Yesterday was a bad day. It was "Cookie Day" and I had one oatmeal cookie and water. I was "busy." Truthfully, food just didn't sound good (though I ate when I got home last night) and I was making up for the "tons" of food I ate on Monday. I get up to Base and as we were walking to briefing he asked me. I told him no. He said something, but I didn't hear him. I will not put him in the psoition of asking him if it looks like it'd hurt me to miss a guy should have to answer than question! It's a no win for them! Later he took a break and bought a bag of Dorito's and a Diet Dr. Pepper and we are good enough friends that I can just take eat his chips. He ended up giving me the rest of the bag since he had to go back to work.

I hate when people play "Food Police." It doesn't quite bother me as much for people who know I would just as soon not eat than eat most of the time...but with Eric it becomes shade of Robbie and that scares me. It scares because that didn't end well. Okay, the situation itself was a lot different. They are nothing alike, the relationships are nothing alike...but we can't build a friendship on Eric playing Food Police.

I know I need to talk to him about it, but I don't quite know what to say. I don't want to text it, I don't want to email it...we need to actually talk about it. Maybe on my birthday? We'll be at the Sharks game and maybe I'll have a chance. I really don't want to tell him anything. I guess I just need to him that I am 6 months and 6 days older than he is and that he needs to let me make my own decisions on when to eat.