Tuesday, November 27, 2007


Thanksgiving went fine. It's been the days since that have been difficult. For some odd reason, I managed to roast the turkey breast side down (how I managed that and didn't notice is beyond me) and my mom said it was the best turkey ever! So I cooked and I ate and I really am not sure if it was "too much" or not. I don't think so. I was full, but the idea of purging the food to feel empty and better did not enter my mind at all. That absolutely blew me away when I realized it hours later. My mom only mentioned being stuffed five time (yes, I counted) and no one got drunk! Woot!

Each since then it has been hard to eat and I have pretty much forced myself. I am not sure how much is a mental block and how much is honestly food on top of food on top of more food is actually a physical thing. With the stomach emptying problem I guess it is possible that some of this is physical...it feels that way!

It was a busy weekend at the HP and we start up again tomorrow and Friday with Sharks games. I love the energy in the building on game nights! Very cool. Yesterday I dropped a boatload of $$ at the Sharks Store buying a belated birthday gift for Lily, a couple of Christmas gifts and a long sleeved t-shirt for me! I can't wait until my hockey sweater (jersey...whatever) comes in! I had my last name with '06 on it (my hire year).

My shopping is almost done. My grandfather is becoming the hard person to shop for! I am holding off on more Sharks stuff for him.

I start house sitting next Monday (woo hoo!) and will start my baking next week as well. I just need to decide what I want to make for sure!

We are decorating the church for Advent/Christmas on Saturday. I am really glad we don't have an event Saturday night. It always makes for a LONG day!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

The Food of Thanksgiving...

I know there is so much more to Thursday than food...but let's face it...the last "bazillion" years a lot of energy has been focused on that aspect. Do I eat, what do I eat, how can I still make something fairly tasty and yet leave out x, y and z so my family won't notice, do I keep the food down after I eat? When I first came home from Remuda in 2000 it was such a non-issue. That had been the first time in a couple years...since before that relapse. Thanksgiving 2001-2006 have had various stress issues regarding food. There have been meals that I have purged, there have been meals I have used a plate I had as a toddler to eat from because of the size and there have been meals where it looked like I ate more than I have. This year...not going to happen!

I think my biggest stress this year is my mom's insensitive, "I am so full I could throw up" that she will say probably a dozen time from the time she finishes eating until she goes to bed. I am so tempted to look at her and say, "I can show you how." But I am thinking that won't go over so well. Rob suggested that maybe I can find a funny way to say it...but I can't think of anything off hand. I have a couple days. Believe me...while I have no intention of purging and really don't have the desire (until I get full)...after I am finished eating and my feel a bit full, my mom repeating it over and over and OVER really does cause me to feel bad for eating at all.

There are days I eat three meals a day right now. In fact, this is happening more often than not. Except for this week. I haven't been feeling well and so I am not hungry. I haven't quite reached the point where I can not feel well and force myself to eat something anyway.

Okay...are you sitting down? Friday night I actually 100% totally enjoyed a meal! I went to Santana Row for a movie and then went to look around Crate & Barrel, Best Buy, Borders and, of course, Sur la Table. I went to Yankee Pier for dinner and ordered the hot lobster roll (as opposed to the cold one with yucky mayo and celery...hey...I have NEVER liked raw celery and I admit the mayo is more an ED thing than not liking it). Wow! Talk about great food. Wow! The cole slaw (yuck) I didn't touch and I sampled their house made chips (should have asked...I would have tried to sub a veggie)...but the lobster roll was to die for.


Sunday night I was back with the Junior Highers...oh wait...this made TWO weeks in a row! Woot! Seriously though...there are times I hate making the choice between them and the HP, but I also know I have to work so sacrifices need to be made. However, I am gladly sacrificing Van Halen to have a Christmas Party with the kids!

We took a little different perspective on thankfulness and used the story of the 10 lepers. We talked about taking people for granted and who might THEY need to thank for something big or even something little. I was THRILLED and I do mean THRILLED that I got not ONE card! It's such a default for them...thank you card...make sure we do one for Queenie/Chocolate Milk the First (one was my camp name from when some of the kids went to Junior Getaway Camp with me and the second is from an illustration the speaker from last year's JH Retreat used) and one for Pony (that is the nickname for Paul, the other JH volunteer).

We stared out with a "Create a Turkey" contest...

This was followed by the lesson and then Turkey Bowling! We wrapped up the turkey's carefully and they were not damaged in the short time we bowled. The turkey's were taken to Second Harvest yesterday morning.

I think I should have posted this after the other post I want to write...bit oh well!

Anyway, we are off this weekend because of the holiday and have a full December planned. I think I am finding my rhythm not being here each week and this is a great thing!

Monday, November 12, 2007

Ministry Stuff

I haven't said a whole lot about youth ministry stuff in a long time. It's going well. It's a fine balance with the HP and volunteer JH Ministry, but it's working out fine.

We are one of the few churches in our area that continually collects food for Second Harvest Food Bank. As part of Communion Sunday each month we also collect food for the food bank. Last night the Junior Highers did a canned food scavenger hunt. We did a combination of some Thanksgiving staples combined with what they needed most. I took the food in this morning and they collected $8 and 93 pounds of food in one hour! I am so proud of them.

The other thing going on isn't such good stuff. We have a registered sex offender in our church. He has been here a few weeks and I give him credit for being open about it to our SP, but I am very uncomfortable with it. That is my issue and I own it. I know he can't volunteer with either children or youth and that's fine. Then he went and made a mistake that is now casing a bit of an uproar and has be feeling...well....I haven't decided yet. Last week he was invited downstairs to eat with the high school group. He knows he cannot do it and did it anyway. A mistake, but life goes on. I have now come to learn that he was ALONE with the kids for a short period of time. This goes beyond a "simple" error. So, my SP is going to remind him of what he can and cannot do and let him know that if it happens again...he'd have to find a new church. I know that sounds awful...but he KNOWS he's not supposed to be with the kids...let alone be the ONLY adult with them in a room in the basement!

We background check our workers and the only ones that can do recruiting is myself and our SP so that is one layer of protection...but now it's deciding what else we can do and officially writing a policy manual. I have one for the Nursery and for Children's Ministry...I have never done a youth one because of Debra. Now that she is gone...it's time to set one up. It's fine...I have no problem with it...this whole thing just makes me a little uncomfortable.

I believe in forgiveness, I believe in second chances...but I have to admit this whole thing weird me out a bit. Again, it's because it hits close to home and a lot of stuff in ministry does and will in the future. This is just the first time in a long time. The "strange" thing is...it's kind of cool having other adults come to me and wanting my opinion and want me to help shape policy.

Friday, November 09, 2007

This n' That

I cannot believe how fast Thanksgiving will be upon us and then Christmas. I seem to live from event to event and Sunday to Sunday. That makes things go a lot faster!

A few interesting tidbits:

1. I was named employee of the month last month at the HP. This means a lot on so many levels. One of the cool things is that it came not only from my own department, but other departments have called Mike about me (I guess in a good way) since I started being positioned in the Event Office. I admit, it feels good to have the building services guys say they are happy to see me when I work in there. They tell me I don't panic about everything and that I get to know them. Heck, there was an usher who came into the office the last time I was there and the first words out of her mouth was, "Thank God you're in here!" Last night I found out that when I was on break Sunday the usher giving me my break (cannot remember who) another usher needed help from CRT and was blown off and told to handle it herself. J said something to Mike and said, "I know it wasn't Deneice because she'd never blow me off like that."

I don't want to sound self-centered nor boastful, but I know I am able do a good job because it's where God has gifted me. This job (and not just when I am in the EO) has me working within my gifting and I guess it shows.

2. I had a really good job review from the church. I was so nervous about it, but it went really well. We were on the same page when it came to what I thought I needed to work on and my SP thought my goals were good ones and realistic.

It took me a long time to be able to really shift my focus to Children's Ministry and really embrace it. It's hard to believe at times I ever did youth ministry!

3. Junior High group is going well. It is a real balance between HP and church. I have to sacrifice both ways. I have decided that I will be at youth group two weeks and at the HP two weeks. I'd love to be here for youth group every week, but unfortunately I cannot give up all Sunday events because I need the income. We are doing a Thanksgiving Scavenger Hunt this week for the Second Harvest Food Bank and I am excited. I used to do these all the time in So Cal and when I lived in Indiana and haven't done one here yet. The Junior Highers are excited and plan to bring friends. We'll come back to hot chocolate, apple cider and pumpkin pie.

Next week we start planning the Junior High Presbytery Retreat. I am so excited! Ryan is going to be our speaker! It's going to be a great weekend! It is also going to be an exhausting one as I will be there the week before with my 4th grade girls at Mount Hermon's Junior Getaway Camp.

4. Therapy...hmmm....I/we hit a rough spot. About 5 weeks ago I slid into another major depressive episode and brought things to a screeching halt. I thought he got what was going on (you know...since I talked to him about it), but I thought wrong. I got the lecture I haven't heard from him in months, but I saw it coming Monday. Things are starting to move again and this is a good thing. I also think the episode is nearing the end. I actually had a fairly easy time getting out of bed this morning and have a little more energy than I have had in weeks.

That's about it in a nutshell. I know it's all "surface" stuff, but I'll try and go more in depth soon. Although I have been saying that forever!

Friday, November 02, 2007