Where Does the Time Go???

Sharks: Pre-season starts tonight! Well, we played in Anaheim on Wednesday, but out first home pre-season game starts tonight! Woo hoo!! I will maybe see 30 seconds of the game...but the energy in that building for hockey is amazing and I cannot wait to be part of that. Due to the hours I now work, I could use the energy to keep me going!

This season, Eric (one of the sups) and I are splitting to 10 game Shark Paks! I debated spending the money, but I am glad I did it. It will my only chance to see games and I don't have to worry about work. They are upper bowl seats, but not bad at all!

Work@ the HP: Love it, love it, LOVE it. I am sore, I am exhausted, I don't get paid near enough...but I DON'T care! Even when I whine I can't wait to get there because I do love what I do there. It can be stressful, frustrating and way too much can be expected of me...but I manage to get it all done in a fairly timely manner. That may end with the new door sign project I need to do. The machine is sooooooo slow! It's like a puzzle. Using my knowledge of the ushers by working with them and hearing "stuff" and matching them where they can be successful for an event. Granted, Mike changes things, but I really try to do what I think is best at the time.

Work@Church: After thinking I was not going to have a job...that has changed and so I am balancing it! Okay, the picture if JH and I am just a volunteer...but those are "my" girls! It's going well. Kick Off was fun, we are into our first rotation workshops for the year and I am excited!

ED Stuff:

It's going. That makes it sound worse than things really are. The hole I dug myself into when I was sick has improved, but not so much that Toni feels good about it. I couldn't make her any promises with food other than what I eat I will keep down. I just passed my four year anniversary of no purging last week!

I am eating, but probably not enough. This week was better than last week and that's a good sign. One would think with all the walking I do I'd actually lose weight...but nope.

Being exhausted has made time with Rob drastically improve. I think I just plain do not have the walls up because I am so tired! It's paying off. It's not fun. I leave there feeling nauseated, end up in a fog and then just want to crawl into a hole someplace. Yesterday Rob had me take three deep breaths before leaving. I think I stop breathing from time to time when I am in there.

That's pretty much it. I want to blog better/more...but I sit to write and then something else gets my attention.

No Longer a Probie!

Okay...not that type of probation...but I liked the patch!

Yesterday I got to work and it was time for Mike and Pam to be in meetings. Pam was in one meeting and then Mike went into one or two more. He finally emerges and calls us into his office. I grab notes I have, the positioning for one of the weekend events and my pen.

We sit down and Mike closes the door. That is truly a rarity. First off he tells us that we will not be moving desks! Woo hoo! Now we can get things unpacked from last week and have a functional desk again! He said there was really no real reason for us to move and moving Patrick to our spot wouldn't make a difference (efficiency wise) on way or another.

I also have some data entry stuff that will be added to my growing list of duties. And I do mean growing! This is coming from another area and this is viewed as a good thing...others are taking notice.

Then Mike tells me that my probation period is over. I laughed. I told him I knew we talked about it before I was hired and it totally left my head and thought process. I told him nothing I have done has been because I was on probation so he doesn't have to worry things will change. Just the day before yesterday he made some comment that I am too good at my job and there is no way I would change anything. After this month Pam and I are not to work on events together (not that we have much anyway...but he doesn't realize that). He wants us to work on Sharks together since this will be new for me...but he said that I have shown the learning curve will be short. So, we will do the pre-season together and the opening night and after that I am on my own!

We went on with our day...I called the minors telling them if I don't have their work permit this weekend they will be sent home, printed out a check list for Sharks to become familiar with it pre-positioning and got ready for the hiring session.

I am getting more comfortable with the process and it's easier to turn people away when I know they will not fit with our department. I passed three onto Decision Makers. Mike passed the first one onto the PDI, Eric (dork!) rejected my 2nd and I left before #3 got to the DM. If 2 of the 3 are hired I'll be happy. I think all three would have been good, but the 1st and last ones were my favorites.

I went downstairs to grab my stuff and Pam followed shortly after. We talked for a little while and I was laughing about the spacing out my probation. She said he may have told me today, but she figured it was over the day he started giving me more stuff to do. I told her that my first candidate I passed on Mike was the DM and was so glad he passed through. Pam said Mike trusts my judgement and thinks very highly of me.

Don't ask me why I'm stunned...but I am!

Who Knew??

The circus is over and aside from a few rookie mistakes...it was a good first experience for me.  I should do better with this round of events in the nex week.  I hope so!

Towards the end of the run I got sick.  The last couple days of the circus were not fun.  Sunday was a killer.  I felt awful and was glad I was working on somethng else that day and not the circus itself.

I never intended to stop eating.  I was feeling icky last Monday and had dinner.  I couldn't taste it a all.  So, I just stopped.  I wasn't hungry anyway and I guess I figured there was no point if I couldn't taste the food.  I do know how lame that is and also saw it getting out of hand in a few short days.  I mean I ignored "Cookie Day" at work!  C-O-O-K-I-E Day!  I had allowed myself a cookie each Wednesday for a few weeks...during the circus more than one!  I justified it because I was going from one end of the arena to the other, up and down stairs, etc.  Plus I just wanted to!

By last Thursday I had nothing but sugar free iced coffee and water...a a bottle of G2.  I emailed Toni so she knew what she would be dealing with last Friday.  I wanted salad.  She woudn't let me.  I had to get pizza.  I bought a piece of cheese pizza and tore the crust and ate it.  I took one bite of the pizza itself and it tasted like a mouth full of fat!  The good that came out of our time is she got to see the struggle and we were able to talk through all of it.  I didn't eat the pizza, but it was such a good thing to talk through what was going through my head why trying to eat, play with and otherwise ignore the pizza.

Saturday I started allowing myself to have 1/2 cups of chili 1-2 times a day and a couple pieces of chicken here and there.  My mother took matters into her own hands (though she thinks I am eating more than I am) and we had Mc D's for dinner last night.  UGH!  I wanted the chili...basically she pulled the if I don't eat what she wants she just won't eat herself.  ^%^&%$###!!!

I don't want to eat.  I know I have to.  I know there are a lot of reasons (irrational reasons...but reasons just the same) besides not being hungry that has brought this on, but I haven't been able to work around those reasons to allow myself to eat.  At least I know they are irrational.  At least I see Rob tomorrow.  

As Toni and I talked I also realized I had been cutting back again and just didn't realize it.  The things I usualy eat at work I didn't bother with eating.  I never stopped to eat period.  I'd down a Boost puding when I got there and that would be it.  I just hadn't thought much about it.

I dug myself out of the hole I was in after the YS contest fairly well.  But I am guessing not far enough if I could spiral back this easily.