Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Home Again...

I survived. I survived house sitting, I survived the retreat and I survived going back home! This is good.

My other computer died...the one with all my notes and talks on it. I had to redo everything before I left. So, I am really happy with how things turned out considering I had to try and recall everything! As promised, the feedback from the group was pretty much nothing...but a couple people did come up to me and let me know that certain things really hit them. I think, for the most part, the Prayer Walk went well. I had an age range from 5th grade to 30-something. God really showed up. We had never talked about money and I wasn't sure if I was going to get paid (which was fine...this was my first time speaking in a very long time. Anyway, I was handed an envelope when I got there and I looked at it when I got to my room. Between what they paid me and the little bit I got for house sitting…I made just a couple hundred less than what I usually do each month. I am so going away for a few days!

I felt pretty good about it. Friday night and Saturday I think went very well. Sunday was okay. Sunday when I spoke to both the English and Taiwanese congregations was rushed out of my nervousness. God was there though…no doubt about that.

The session with Rob yesterday was “interesting.” Actually, I pretty much was able to tell him everything I had posted here last week and it went pretty well once I started. Heck…I even CRIED…that is a rarity. I hate to have him see me cry in any way, shape or form.

He did tell me while he’d never tell me it is OK to engage in behaviors, if I did slip, it wouldn’t mean termination. That still leaves me with the impression that slipping is not an okay thing. I did tell him I do hate the fact that I still see behaviors as my first option. I need to figure out why. I think most of it is the familiarity of them and for the stupid “high” you do get…the release. We discussed that in many ways I am like a “dry drunk” and he has a point there as well.

I am really hoping that since I was able to actually tell him that I thought I have been mad at him for the past 21 months and he SMILED as I said it (I think he has been waiting for this day…not what I said but the fact that I admitted to possibly being mad at anyone) and saying it was OK that the blocks I have had…the walls I have built up even in his office…will begin to crumble because I can obviously tell him ANYTHING.


Dreaming again said...

I was really enjoying your post till you got to the dry drunk remark. :P

Friar Tuck said...

sounds like progress.