Quick (albeing LONG) Post

Written last week:

It was either 2 ½ or 3 ½ years ago that Rob and his family went on a long weekend trip to Disneyland. When I saw him next there was a pink Mickey Mouse icon pen on the couch where I sit. I am guessing it was 3 ½ years ago because I sit on the other couch and in between that was the floor. Anyway, it was a cool little gesture and I love that pen. Or should IoveD that pen?

I was going to use it at the HP when I got hired, but found the Mickey icon was coming off in my pocket and I was afraid I’d lose it. It has been on our kitchen counter for a few weeks now so I can grab it if I need one. The other morning I was getting ready to leave for the church when I saw it in PIECES! One piece was missing and the rest was put back on the counter. My mom never said a word.

Today I finally asked her and she told me that she dropped it. No apology or anything. Then she tells me Rob can just get me another one. Ummm…no…not really and that isn’t even the point. If I hadn’t brought it up she wouldn’t have said a word to me. Is she two? I thought when you break something that belongs to someone else you tell them. This has ended up bringing up memories of a whole night of drunkenness and smashing of my things when I was a kid. It was actually an incident I forgot. The pen kicked off the recent memory of a music box I gave my grandfather several years ago that my mom broke as well. Her idea of fixing it was to glue the head on the base instead of the neck. Before I could fix it…she trashed it. HELLO…it was my first fairly expensive gift I could afford after I graduated from college. As I thought about that incident the “smashing of Deneice’s music box collection” came flooding back.

I must have been 5 or 6. My mom was drunk and she was yelling and screaming. I can’t remember who was there…but I think there was some man involved. She didn’t smash all of them and my grandfather repaired most of those that she did smash…but just like the pen that really isn’t the point. It is the absolute disregard then and now of anything that belongs to me. The same disregard that causes her to open my mail and go into my room whenever she wants. My next question is why did she have kids in the first place? I know the answer to that one…it was 1969 and she didn’t have a choice.

Rob said something today about my mom not getting something she needed from my grandmother. I 100% don’t agree with that because my grandmother put my mom first most of the time. I think it probably has to do more with her dad (not my grandfather…the man I call my grandpa…he is a gem) than my grandmother.

New Stuff:

Rob: Were you at church last night?

Me: Nope, I had to work the Pete Newell Challenge

Rob: I was at your church last night

Me: (laughing) I know

His office Christmas party was at our church. I’ve known about it for a few months and until I got the 2^nd job thought I would be there. Glad I wasn’t at youth group…that would be too weird.

I usually where shoes I can slip off and on easily when I see him because I usually sit “Indian style” on the couch or am in a kind ball type thing. Anyway, I had on tennis shoes I couldn’t easily slip in and out of so I sat on the couch like a “normal” person. I didn’t really like it and I guess he didn’t either. He told me that he didn’t care if I put my feet on the couch…so I did. It was funny. His words were, "Okay, now we're home." :)

Lately all we talk about is my mom. I think I am finally really willing (and able) to talk about a bunch of stuff when it comes to her. Most of it has to do with my lifelong role of “parent” rather than my mom being my mom. Saturday she went to make some of MY whole wheat pasta for her dinner (I was headed to work) and didn’t set the timer…she said she’d just “watch” it. I am guessing it turned into mush. I taught her how to use our oven timer. She still didn’t get it and she bought a timer. Did she use it? Nooooooooooo…

I lived away from home for about 16 years and she functioned. I guess. She can’t even do basic grocery shopping. Her idea of grocery shopping is bags of chips, Coke and frozen junk. The kicker for tonight:

Mom: “I left you some chicken. I ate some, but I had to throw it away because it made me sick.”

Me: “If it made you sick, why would I want to eat it?”

Mom: “Just because it made me sick doesn’t mean it will make you sick.”

I am house sitting next week for about 10 days. I so can’t wait! It will be great to get out of here for a few days. Kind of like extra vacation even if I am working.

There have been days the last few weeks that I really want to remind her what Lauren had her do at the end of my Family Week my first time at Remuda. Lauren had her “fire” me as her caretaker. It held while I was in So Cal…I mean for the first time she was really “mom” and not the other way around. I hesitated in moving back because I was afraid what would happen. However, when I moved back I thought I would have my own place.

This is going to be good work with Rob…but not easy work at all.