Tuesday, November 20, 2007

The Food of Thanksgiving...

I know there is so much more to Thursday than food...but let's face it...the last "bazillion" years a lot of energy has been focused on that aspect. Do I eat, what do I eat, how can I still make something fairly tasty and yet leave out x, y and z so my family won't notice, do I keep the food down after I eat? When I first came home from Remuda in 2000 it was such a non-issue. That had been the first time in a couple years...since before that relapse. Thanksgiving 2001-2006 have had various stress issues regarding food. There have been meals that I have purged, there have been meals I have used a plate I had as a toddler to eat from because of the size and there have been meals where it looked like I ate more than I have. This year...not going to happen!

I think my biggest stress this year is my mom's insensitive, "I am so full I could throw up" that she will say probably a dozen time from the time she finishes eating until she goes to bed. I am so tempted to look at her and say, "I can show you how." But I am thinking that won't go over so well. Rob suggested that maybe I can find a funny way to say it...but I can't think of anything off hand. I have a couple days. Believe me...while I have no intention of purging and really don't have the desire (until I get full)...after I am finished eating and my feel a bit full, my mom repeating it over and over and OVER really does cause me to feel bad for eating at all.

There are days I eat three meals a day right now. In fact, this is happening more often than not. Except for this week. I haven't been feeling well and so I am not hungry. I haven't quite reached the point where I can not feel well and force myself to eat something anyway.

Okay...are you sitting down? Friday night I actually 100% totally enjoyed a meal! I went to Santana Row for a movie and then went to look around Crate & Barrel, Best Buy, Borders and, of course, Sur la Table. I went to Yankee Pier for dinner and ordered the hot lobster roll (as opposed to the cold one with yucky mayo and celery...hey...I have NEVER liked raw celery and I admit the mayo is more an ED thing than not liking it). Wow! Talk about great food. Wow! The cole slaw (yuck) I didn't touch and I sampled their house made chips (should have asked...I would have tried to sub a veggie)...but the lobster roll was to die for.


Dreaming again said...

Okay...are you sitting down? Friday night I actually 100% totally enjoyed a meal

That made me tear up.

I actually like the taste of celery.

Hey, there is one food I will admit to liking!

Leslie and I talked about food and enjoying it today. Major topic of conversation.

We also talked about the decision of eating, and removing that decision. It's not a choice, it's a fact and I need to make it that.

We talked about the 2 years I ate normally and what put me there. I told her the diabetes health scare. She asked me what kind of a health scare it would take to get me there again. She asked me then why I wasn't there now.

She's tough. You'd like her.

I miss Dr. M ...

Today ... is 7 years exactly since I met him.

Gracesdad said...

I will remember to pray for you tomorrow.


Jeff Greathouse said...

Hope it went well for you.

Friar Tuck said...

Not a big fan of the lobster.