So, Rob sees the cuts on my legs and we talk about my daily purging as of late. Then he drops the bomb on me. He asks me if, despite the connection and trust, I should maybe see someone else at the center. That maybe there is just something that he can't provide...and at the very least he wanted to consult with another therapist.

I looked at him and said no...I wanted to stay with him and that consulting with the other therapist is fine. Then he promised me that he was with me for the long haul. He asked me what I was hearing him say...I told him, "You want to get rid of me." Prior to that he did say that he isn't trying to do that or abandon me...he wants what is best for me. I heard it, but didn't...ya know? So, after I said that he says, "So, I do know you well don't I?" So as it stands he is going to talk to another therapist about me and he's not going anywhere. It's going to take me a bit to convince myself that he really means what he says and that he's not going to pawn me off on someone else. I won't do it. I am SICK of playing musical therapists and come November, I will have been with him for a whole year...a feat I haven't been able to accomplish ever.

He also talked about if this slide continues that I may need to go back to LIFE. That's will not happen no matter what because the money is simply NOT going to be there in any way, shape or form. I just need to dig myself out. I cannot believe how much I have lapsed this past month. I think what some of it comes down to is that I should have gone back to Rio and done it all over again instead of just going to LIFE.

So, I need to start trusting my meal plan and working on all this. I refuse to believe that I will not fully recover and that my time at LIFE was wasted! I know it wasn't. I am just really scared.