Friday, September 22, 2006

My Job, My Family...

I had orientation for my job at the HPP on Wednesday. The money isn't bad and my point of taking the job is so I don't have decide between what are truly needs...not wants. Okay, the 30% off at the Sharks Store is a great perk I admit that...but I just found out about it on Wednesday. We are #2 in customer service in the NATION for our type of venue and they only hire on average 1 in 10 who apply. Twelve made it through to this round. Tomorrow we got for more orientation (including a test) and on the job training.

I don't want to rewrite stuff with the visit with my aunt and uncle so I am going to paste some posts I made that will give you the basic idea.

Tonight with my family was disaster and now my mom and aunt are out drinking. I am honestly not going to hide her meds because as much as I want to...I am tired of this. I am the designated driver (fun, fun) for them so I dropped them off and a hotel downtown and told them to find a nice bar there. Ugh! So, two drinks turned into them FINALLY calling me at 2:15 AM to go pick them up. Of course, I get there and the downtown is deserted since by then it is nearing 2:30 and everything is closed. It is one of those time where it is a good thing San Jose is truly one of the safest big cities.

For once I didn't 100% keep my mouth shut. It fell on deaf ears (although I will hand it to my mom...I think she only had 2 drinks and stuck to Coke the rest of the night...but she had 2 margaritas at dinner to begin with as did my aunt), but I did make it clear that they told me 2 drinks and that 2 drinks turning into them being out 5 1/2 hours and not where I dropped them was not fair to me and that it was a good thing I was already taking today off. I am taking it off so I could finish my Orientation packet. My aunt kept telling me not to be mad and my mom said it was no big deal.I am so glad I can't go to dinner with them tonight because I don't think I could keep my mouth shut in front of my grandparents.

There are times when I really think I truly hate my family.

I think I mentioned the scene my grandmother caused in the restaurant last night? I just got off the phone with her and she brought it up. I explained that it wasn't so much she was calling her estranged DIL, Bootsie (whom I have never met as well as my Uncle Pat) a "rhymes with witch," but that she did it more than once, she was loud, we were in a public place and there was another family in our section of the dining room. My Uncle Mike didn't even disagree with her...he just really didn't want to dredge up the past and we went through this drama the last time they came down. I said I didn't like it either, but it didn't really bug me until she started swearing loudly with a family with a child in the next booth.

Then she tells me she has taken a lot of (expletive) and all her life she has gotten the short end of the (expletive) stick, the kid has probably heard swearing before (not the point) and she can (expletive) well say what she wants to when she wants to. Plus, my mom uses that language all the time.'s like living in a rated R movie with gratuitous swearing but again...beside the point.

My mom excuses it to my grandma is almost 86 and will die soon. So, when we are close to our time we can throw common decency out the window???

On a positive note, yesterday was 23 months no self harm. Lately us has for sure been a conscious choice and I came close last night...but I was OK.

As Rob and I talked about all of this it comes down to I KNOW things are not going to change...they really won't. I know God can do anything...but I also know He may not do anything with my family. However, because I know God can do anything I continue to hold onto what amounts to unrealistic hope and that really is damaging.

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