"Please try not to purge and cut in the next few days, it's not good for you," he says as he wraps me in our bi-weekly bear hug...being Jesus with skin on and giving me a mit of extra strength...especially over the weekend.

"I see you sit there and you tell me something like not continuing the application process for the church in Arizona and I see that commitment to stay here and be here. But, I KNOW you. I know there is so much more inside than just that. Do you still fear being to open and losing control?"

"Tell your mother to 'cool it' among other things."

15 more days and I will have been with Rob for a whole year...a total milestone. Things aren't perfect...I still tend to hold back at times and not pop up with the first thing that pops into my head. That is SO silly because if he has shown me once...he has shown me a zillion times that he's not going to think what I have to say is stupid or silly...but rather the most important thing he could hear at that moment. I thank God for Rob's patience with me.

Major "trauma drama" with my grandfather last night. My mom and I were watching the Lifetime 4 PM movie together and she only made one stupid comment. "I didn't know what to bring home for dinner, so I didn't bring anything. I guess we'll have nothing for sinner...but you're used to that."

ANYWAY...we settle din and watched the movie and the toward the end the phone rings. It's my grandmother and my grandpa had collapsed in the bedroom. I got my shoes on...Mom grabbed her robe thingy and off we went. I was ready to call 911 while my mom went in his room to check on him. She had me call and while I was giving 911 info, I had to go in and check on him and like my mom...I was pretty convinced he may have had a stroke. He was so out of it and the look on his face...

EMTs arrive and his blood sugar was 35...way too low. He fights them...they finally get an IV in his arm after he almost loses consciousness. They take him in and I get a ride in the ambulance while my mom and grandmother get dressed to meet me at the ER. They had him eat, drink some juice and it was finally normal enough to be able to go home. The disoriented scared me more than anything else. Seeing my constant stable in life not be able to tell the emits where he was and stuff was scary. My grandpa is 69...My grandma is 83...I'm 34...My mom is 57...I was mistaken for his WIFE...TWICE!

At least my life isn't boring...Right? I just feel so sad...So down...Maybe it's the weather...Maybe it's dealing with the changes in the last few weeks...I keep telling myself that I'm fine and I'll be fine because I haven't started Rob's Christmas present yet so I can't act until it's done. Whatever takes until this passes...