I think I may have mentioned before that I am a drunk guy magnet at work. NO...not the church you silly people...my other job. Since I have worked so many other places in the building it hasn't happened as much since the Sharks season started. That streak ended last night. I have some weird/mixed feelings about it.
Last night I had a great spot...Club 101. I have wanted to work there and at the same time have feared it because if you don't do a good job not only will the guests in the Club seats let you know, so will the ones in rows 17-19. Then you have those people who try and get by you and into the Club. First intermission was fine...the 2nd intermission I had trouble with one of the door magnets and two people managed to sneak by me. Grrrr... But I digress.
Maybe a quarter of the way through this guy came to watch the intermission stuff going on and we started talking. He's a local middle school teacher and so is his buddy. We start talking about the job, different events that go on, etc. We talk about my "real" job and that I also volunteer with our junior highers. They were really nice and yes, they were both married (darn it!). They hung out until I left for my break. They came back toward the end of the 2nd intermission and hung out until they had to leave. Thankfully they were not driving because I was worried about that. They wanted me to meet them for a drink afterward (how in the heck did they manage to teach today?), but I said no because I had to get up for work the next day.
I think the funniest thing was when one of the guests in my section had to wait until the puck was out of play and was just standing there. The guys were getting drinks when they came back one of them put his arm protectively around me and says, "No hitting on our girl, she's ours." Geesh. That was a little embarassing, but the weird thing is how good that human contact felt. Not that I don't get touched because I do...but this was different. Again...he was drunk and married...but still! That is so wrong! Not that anything would have come of it even if the one guy hadn't been married...but I have to admit...right or wrong that little bit of contact felt good. I am not sure the last time being touched in such a simple way (and believe me...had it been inappropriate touch he would have been OUT the door) felt so good. It was absolutely different than the hugs I get from church (which is good) or Rob (which is VERY good) and makes me really long to truly be someone's girl. But, the older I get the more I am sure that will never happen.
Most of the time I am really OK with that. I have had way more kids than I ever would have on my own (and I get to send them home!) and I value the relationships I have had with the kids over the years. There are now a large group of kids that I have seen grow up from the nursery and elementary programs and I love being part of their lives...even if for most it is only an hour or so a week!
Then there are times, like last night, that I am so not OK with it. Other than being a domestic goddess I am not sure I would be good for anyone anyway...I love my work too much. But, I see some of the couples and church and a few that work together at the HP and I think I want it. No clue where I'd meet anyone anyway...there is no one at church and I don't go out! This feeling will pass and I'll be thankful for what I do have because other than my living situation...things are really good.
Last night I had a great spot...Club 101. I have wanted to work there and at the same time have feared it because if you don't do a good job not only will the guests in the Club seats let you know, so will the ones in rows 17-19. Then you have those people who try and get by you and into the Club. First intermission was fine...the 2nd intermission I had trouble with one of the door magnets and two people managed to sneak by me. Grrrr... But I digress.
Maybe a quarter of the way through this guy came to watch the intermission stuff going on and we started talking. He's a local middle school teacher and so is his buddy. We start talking about the job, different events that go on, etc. We talk about my "real" job and that I also volunteer with our junior highers. They were really nice and yes, they were both married (darn it!). They hung out until I left for my break. They came back toward the end of the 2nd intermission and hung out until they had to leave. Thankfully they were not driving because I was worried about that. They wanted me to meet them for a drink afterward (how in the heck did they manage to teach today?), but I said no because I had to get up for work the next day.
I think the funniest thing was when one of the guests in my section had to wait until the puck was out of play and was just standing there. The guys were getting drinks when they came back one of them put his arm protectively around me and says, "No hitting on our girl, she's ours." Geesh. That was a little embarassing, but the weird thing is how good that human contact felt. Not that I don't get touched because I do...but this was different. Again...he was drunk and married...but still! That is so wrong! Not that anything would have come of it even if the one guy hadn't been married...but I have to admit...right or wrong that little bit of contact felt good. I am not sure the last time being touched in such a simple way (and believe me...had it been inappropriate touch he would have been OUT the door) felt so good. It was absolutely different than the hugs I get from church (which is good) or Rob (which is VERY good) and makes me really long to truly be someone's girl. But, the older I get the more I am sure that will never happen.
Most of the time I am really OK with that. I have had way more kids than I ever would have on my own (and I get to send them home!) and I value the relationships I have had with the kids over the years. There are now a large group of kids that I have seen grow up from the nursery and elementary programs and I love being part of their lives...even if for most it is only an hour or so a week!
Then there are times, like last night, that I am so not OK with it. Other than being a domestic goddess I am not sure I would be good for anyone anyway...I love my work too much. But, I see some of the couples and church and a few that work together at the HP and I think I want it. No clue where I'd meet anyone anyway...there is no one at church and I don't go out! This feeling will pass and I'll be thankful for what I do have because other than my living situation...things are really good.
3 comments:
Omigosh, Deneice, you have completely and brilliantly illustrated what's been on my heart. Here is it--2008! I'm going to be 28 in two months, and I haven't even kissed a guy yet. On one hand, that's really cool because I didn't waste that special even on some loser. But on the other hand, maybe I haven't been kissed because no one desires to kiss me, like I'm hideous or something.
I know I'm a tad bit younger than you, but there still isn't anyone to date. I don't go out much because I'm not into clubbin' or bar hoppin' and I don't know where else to go either.
GUYS, you must meet, date, and marry us!
Speaking as someone who is 34 and is just married for 3 weeks, do not give up hope.
I have a book on singleness where the author called what you talked about "skin hunger". I thought that was an interesting term.
The book is called singling. Seek it though amazon on my blog and if you buy the book I get a kickback!
Just dropping in.
That was a very good post with great "rawness".
I hope that work, jobs, and volunteering is going well.
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