Friday, May 23, 2008

Think, Think, Think...

I want to write about my fact I will next week...but that's kind of not on my mind right now. It was a good week and I was very intentional about spending time with certain friends that have been the most supportive in the last several years. That was a great choice!

Yesterday Rob said he couldn't be sure what I was going to take from our session and I am pretty sure I attached myself to the wrong thing...but it got me thinking.

At one point he made a comment that I have to decide if the things in my life are worth living for or not and of they aren't to take my life. While I doubt that's what he wanted me to focus in on...since it has been an issue he should have known.

The fact is I have been under a suicide contract with him since 2003 which basically states that as long as I see him not only will I not do it...I will also not make an attempt. Doing so would mean automatic termination of therapy. That stupid little piece of paper has made a HUGE difference in keeping me somewhat sane and less impulsive. HOWEVER, given what he said, I now am thinking that maybe I should take the break he comes back to every few months and see what I really feel.

I have mixed feelings about it, but part of me wants to know.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

just popping in to say hi, Deneice, and send you a hug. Missing you on the LW! julie