Describe it in enough detail that an actor in a play or movie could recreate the behavior exactly. describe exactly what you did, said, thought and felt and the intensity surrounding the problem behavior.
BAH!
I hate food. I hate that I have to eat. I hate that if I don't I eventually get relly dizzy and feel ooky. I hate that when I try to eat moe than what has been the norm a couple things come into play:
- my stomach empties slow and after major restricting and/or purging any attempt to eat "normally" results in feeling like a stuffed whale
- the feeling from the above makes me want to get rid of it instead of sit with it, deal with it and allow it to stay in my body
Toni said one of my biggest problems is that I don't enjoy food and I need to learn to do that again. She's right. I do NOT enjoy food. I look upon it as a necessary evil and while I don't even see it as that necessary...I am in a small majority. I try to enjoy food...but it seems wrong and gross and latel even certain textures no longer appeal to me.
But, I also see the stupidity of continued restricting because of how food feels in my body when I do eat. Guess what? It does NOT get better by not eating. Eventually, I need to start doing the whole refeeding thing. For me that means trying to eat at least 2x a day and then really work on making those "eating episodes" meals and full meals at that.
The thought once again scares me to death....
But, I also see the stupidity of continued restricting because of how food feels in my body when I do eat. Guess what? It does NOT get better by not eating. Eventually, I need to start doing the whole refeeding thing. For me that means trying to eat at least 2x a day and then really work on making those "eating episodes" meals and full meals at that.
The thought once again scares me to death....
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