Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Long Time...No Blog!

I hate feeling. I know it supposed to be a GOOD thing...but I hate it! Rob, of course, is thrilled with what has been going on in therapy...bully for him!

Not sure what happened last Thursday. I was struggling with something and while he says he was playing sounded like he was really sick of me and frustrated. Whatever the cause...all of a sudden I popped out with stuff that I didn't plan on. It wasn't bad nor anything I was hiding...just didn't expect the words to come out of my mouth. It was all about not wanting to feel because people won't like me if they knew what I was really feeling at times. Where did I get a boneheaded idea like that? From a couple isolated cases that I thought I was cool with and I guess I was not.

Then there is all that I am feeling about sharing more family stuff. I can't even remember what I told Rob on Monday. It had to do with my grandmother and alcohol and I can't even begin to remember. Oh...I do now. The one time I chose to get out of the house and take care of ME in a bad mom made me come home. I had nver told anyone the whole story in years if was weird sharing that with him.

Through all of this gunk...behaviors are getting worse...but filling out a behavior chain analysis helps a bit. At the very least, getting a narrative on paper gives Rob and I a starting off point to dig a little.

Anyway, I know this makes little sense. I am still trying to make sense of it myself.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Glad you are back. I've been checking!