Friday, May 27, 2005

A Rant and Rave...

I am so frutrated it's not even slightly amusing! I am stuck and stuck about being stuck and frustrated because I SHOULD NOT BE STUCK!!!!!!!!! I should BEYOND being stuck about this one issue. I still have trouble processing and fully feeling "negative" emotions...that makes sense and am okay with that struggle right now because we'll get to that. I still struggle with being a perfectionist. I can deal with that because I notice it more and if I don't, Rob is GREAT about pointing it out. Food Issues? Email me if you want to see my 30 rules I live with on a daily basis, but Toni and I are tackling them head on now.

Then I open my Bible and read:

Psalm 139:14a: "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;"

Philippians 1:6: "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

And a zillion other verses about how much God loves us, how special we are, etc., etc., etc. has NOT sunk in...

I still struggle so much with hating myself and hating that and stuck on how NOT to anymore. It is so frustrating because I am so stuck about being stuck and don't know how to take all that I know about how God feels about me and have that make a difference. It's like this missing piece that I can't find anyplace. Given all I can I still hate myself???

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