Monday, March 21, 2005

I am trying to get out of "react" mode. I told Rob the story I posted about G and what she was really hard to tell him because I felt like I was being all conceited and stuff about it. It was also hard because I started crying...but stopped it before it turned into real waterworks.

Today was another session of "I Never Realized How Much My Mom Was MIA." So much has flooded back over the weekend. I told Rob I didn't even think of the stuff before I my final 3 semesters of high school. It feels very overwhelming.

I fight myself though because part of me simply wants to say just suck it up and know that I still didn't have it as bad as so many others...and part of me just wants to cut and make the emotional pain go away. It is going to be a LONG couple days until Thursday and I see him again.

1 comment:

Dreaming again said...

It's not conceited.

If I'm being too hard on myself, so are you!

Went to my friends appt with Randy today, she turned me in! She TOLD him! (he'd read my emails already, shoot)

He, by the way, agreed with you, that I'm being too hard on me. But he said I had no choice but to get in touch with L&L.

I was hoping to see you on tonight. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow.

Don't suck it up, you've done that enough. It was a big deal, it was then, it is now.

I understand your longings. I hate these nasty things called feelings. I figured it out today, I feel like a failure because I feel negative feelings. If I was a good Christian, I'd only feel joy.

How's that for perfectionism. Not sure how I'm going to get past that one.