Thursday, November 18, 2004

About Last Night...

You know the feeling you get when you know you are doing what you were made to do? was like that.

It was so "natural," so "I have always been there" to the point that they forgot I didn't know my way around when we played Sardines! This kids acted like I had always been there and it's funny because the "staff" to student ratio is 2 students for every leader. There is Andrew (the intern), Alex and Dave. A & A go to UCSC and Dave is in his 40s maybe? Not sure. He didn't go to Mt. Hermon so I didn't meet him until last night.

I get there and see Kim adn she yells, "Hi, Deneice! How are you?" Yeah...totally normal stuff.

One of the strangest things was on my way home. I mean the night went great, it was fun, in two weeks we are going bowling, etc. But, this urge to go home and cut followed me much of the way home. I really tried to figure out why. I mean that was normally my MO when things didn't go punishment.

Then this thought hit me. It goes back to still NOT knowing who I am outside of YM. All of a sudden I am back in it and my mood goes up a zillion percent from here it has been. This is not a good thing. I mean, the fact my mood has improved is a good thing...the reasons behind it? Not so much.

It's a "Rob Day" so I will bring that up for sure!


Cliff said...

Oh man, reading this entry what happened was crystal clear, at least to me.

First, God has manipulated things to get you into a position that is going to not only be good for you, but good for THEM.

Second, as he does whenever God scores a point, the enemy tried to ruin it by inducing doubt.

Don't let him. Take a deep breath, and onward, soldier :)

me said...

Take a deep breath, and onward, soldier :)