I almost blew it last night. In spite of my better judegement I had dinner last night and that made me feel nauseous...and I was almost hoping I would end up being sick...although...WAY GROSS PART COMING UP...it's a lost worse when it's not your choice. When it is your choice, while icky...it's not near as bad.

Anyway...

Above and beyond all that I left yesterday's session not ready to leave. I turned the tears off way too easily and that was probably a mistake. I take all that home and can't do anything about it because homw is not "safe," and I got to the point of wanting to cut. I stayed online for over an hour...but there was no one to talk to...REALLY talk to and so I emailed Rob at least to let him know where my head was at the moment (does he reply??? NOPE...hate when he does that)...and then got off to watch "Family Guy."

I had the "implement" in my hand and debated and debated and debated...and put it aside. Not only did I not want to fill out a Behavior Chain Analysis, but Rob still hasn't decided what he is going to DO about the whole mess. Cutting also would not have solved anything in the long run...not that always stops me. But, I DIDN'T DO IT and that is a good thing.