Tuesday, June 14, 2005


I have come to the realization that the parent who was going to do my decorations is going to be a total flake. I hate to say that about people and think it about anyone...but I guess I need to come out of my "people will follow through all the time" haze. Life happens and all she has to tell me is life happens...it is the ignoring of calls/emails that gets me.

Group has a wonderful bulletin board with VBS info on it. I have camped out there and have ideas of what I may be able to do myself. An artist I am not...even with the trace the overhead thing...it's NOT my thing. But, I found ideas that I think even I can do...I hope. One lovely man actually has some pix of step by step instructions on some painting stuff...I now love that man! ;)

One thing I forgot to mention in the continuing saga that is my psycho mother...

I am really trying to get 3 meals/"eating episodes" in 2-3 times a week...days when I feel "good" enough. Anyway...yesterday I was making an actual meal (the other 2 were not full meals)...grilling chicken, making mashed potatoes and steaming broccoli (cue Dana Carvey). I am peeling the Yukon golds when my mom comes up to me and says, "You're making a huge meal." Me: "No, I'm not." Her: "Then what do you call that?" Me: "Normal." That shut her up.

See, eating disorder aside, my eating has pretty much always been "disordered" because of my mother's lack of...well...skills (cue Napoleon Dynamite). Breakfast was unheard of in my family. So much so that after the Jim Jones thing happened in Guyana (I was like 8 or 9), my mom got up one morning and made breakfast...I was positive she posioned it to get rid of me. Boiled chicken with ketchup was her idea of dinner...you get the idea. In fact, I never really had much in the way of veggies until I got to college and discovered I LOVE them!

I try to break free of that, but living here makes that very difficult and leaves me open to her verbal abuse and what amounts to competition. Honestly, there are days I HATE the fact she "wins." How sick is that? But, when push comes to shove and I am having a day where my fight is not there...I can "win" easily.

This has been a week where I have been using the same fork to get through a meal. But, I am working on the first 6 rules. Not perfectly, but Toni points out she is not looking for perfection!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey Deneice

It does sound like you are regrouping. Are you far away from the shaking going on over there? I miss you in the land of Gewbertopia! Be well,
Becky aka orange41