Friday, June 17, 2005

Why Isn't Good Enough...Enough?

Yesterday was one of those days here I should have just skipped therapy and saved myself the $80.00. I feel bad becuase I am feel as if I am nor doing any work outside our time together right now. Part of it is because VBS is all consuming...and I am sure part of it is because emotionally I don't want to dive into the muck right now...which is strange because I want to buck the muck in the first place!

We looked at perfectionism...AGAIN. I told him and I mean it...I want my best to be good enough. Oh, and I couldn't give him a picture of what a perfect VBS would look like in the first place! I am in ministry...almost a guarantee that very little will go perfect or how one envisions a "thing" to be. God has sense of doubt about that one. I realize that the important things are that the kids learn about God and have fun doing it and that the volunteers are ready and willing to their jobs. What goes on behind the scenes is secondary if the other three thigs are happening. However, it's not enough and I am not sure why. Why would it be so wrong to be content with doing my best? Why can't I be content with that? Is it okay to be content with it? I honestly have NO idea. What does expect? I assume what I have been best...but my best seems so pitiful right now that...I don't know...things are just spinning so much in my head and I can almost hear what Rob has to say...and I think I figured some things out yesterday.

This should be going to him first, but lately I have been really stand-offish with him and I don't know why. But, most of my life I have been called an "overachiever" and for the past several years I have felt like anything but one. If anything I feel as if I am underachieving in most areas of my life.

Anyway...some good news. I found a church close by that is doing the same VBS as we are and there is a chance we can borrow decorations. That would be WONDERFUL. We also need kids to register. It is looking bad and I know if it flops it is going to be my head.


Jasper said...

Hey Friend:
Just checking in on you. Things will get better. VBS can be stressing I know. Keep your eyes on Him. Write me sometime!

Anonymous said...

perfectionism now there is a trap of all traps--I feel it everyday!

I am doing the best that i can in the time i am doing it to the best of my ability with what i have to do it with.

If we are able to do it perfect every time it leaves us with no reason to rely on God.

more than likely we judge ourselves harder than any one else
and we set our sights so high we miss the joy and pleasure of the journy lots of time that includes watching some one else do things not as we would but as they are able to share what they have to the best of their ability and in the time of their soul in which they are doing it with what they have to do it with there by giving them the opportunity to serve. bring joy to their soul.

walking agong the same path