Thursday, June 09, 2005

So...

....a needle pulling thread...

Okay...I was supposed to ponder how the way I was treated by my former SP may trigger other feelings in me (i.e. the verbal/emotional abuse I grew up with). I have been on VBS Frantic Mode and haven't given myself the time or permission to look at it. And, after the sort of "let down" from last night, we may not have to delve into that because I am feeling a lot of things about last night.

I mean, I do get that this was an answer to prayer (close doors, etc.) and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with me as a youth worker or as a person. I have not worked as a paid youth person in a church of that size...only volunteered with larger churches. They may not want someone to jump from another church in our Presbytery, the AP there may suspect what I did (that we may not work well together) which was why I hesitated to begin with. So, while my head understands all that...it does hurt that they didn't even give me a chance.

I think it is interesting how churches deal with resumes. I look at the other church where I am still a "strong contender," and they didn't hesitate 24 hours to get me in for an interview and then another one a week later before the job was even posted! They saw something they liked...something that may have told them I could be a fit. Obviously, the people at where I was turned down looked at it and saw it lacking in some way, sahpe or form.

Not the first time and by the time this process is over it won't be the last...but for this moment in time...it doesn't quite cover the hurt. Knowing that this simply means God has other plans IS a comfort...but it stil doesn't take the sting away and I think that is OK. As long as I don't don't dive into a pit of how bad a person I am...I think I'll be OK in a day or so!

4 comments:

PA said...

This sounds like an exciting, yet scary time for you. Let's all hope that everyone sees a burning bush!

mindi said...

the sting of rejection always sucks--even when you know it just means God has something different for you.

but "don't dive into a pit of how bad a person I am." just because you're not a match is no indication of your worth, your goodness or badness. it's hard, i know, i struggle with this in the dating world...

many of us have a tendency to think something is wrong with us first. i think many times we should be asking, what's up with them that they are choosing to miss out on me?

Jasper said...

Hey Friend!
Keep looking up. You know you are not in this alone. We love you very much. I am in a very similar place. God is always before us but I could get very worried very quick if I don't let Him take care of things! So what's the deal with the alt boards? You aren't really leaving are you? I just got back in the swing! Please hang out in G-Town. It is safe! I am praying for you!

Dreaming again said...

((((((((((((((Deneice))))))))))))))