Wow!

I was looking for a date in the archives of my blog. I thought the anniversary of my mother's last suicide attempt was tomorrow...it was actually yesterday. I am not sure why I had the 10th in my head.

I read back a couple months. There are times when I feel like I have pretty much made zippo progress. Part of me knows that isn't true, but there are times I am not quite convinced. Yeah...really kinda convinced now. You should take a look at my November and December 2003 entries. I know I am STILL on an open ended suicide contract (wonder if Rob knows it's still on file)...but I totally forgot not only the oral safety contracts he had me on, but just how bad off I really was. I read that stuff and even I can't remember it all.

Back to the anniversary. The one thing that I am still amazed about the whole thing is that I called Rob maybe about 1ish in the morning...I called him right after I called my grandparents...before I left for the ER. I got home about 3 AM or so and then just collapsed on the couch. About 6ish or so the phone rang and it was Rob. He sounded 1/2 asleep...and I remember being so amazed he'd call me that early.

It's not that I am "all better." I mean I wish I could say without a doubt that I would never even consider suicide ever again and that is almost true. I am not sure I will ever get to where I was four years again...but I know when a depressive episode hits the thought plays in my mind off and on. Never to the point of having a plan...but the thought is there. I think I am getting better at my thoughts just being there...just allowing them to float in and out...but I still have a ways to go.

Food has been "interesting." I have really tried to commit to eating "something" three times a day and trying to not make a big deal about the "what." This means I actually went and had McDonald's the other night and kind of late at that...but I still managed to lose weight. Okay...I probably should have NOT hopped back on a scale...I hadn't since July...and was bummed that the weight I had lost during my last lapse (okay...probably small relapse is more honest) had come back (which yeah...I knew without the scale)...but was amazed it wasn't quite as much as I thought...I was 10 pounds off.

I know I am afraid this won't last. I have been down this road several times before and it hasn't lasted yet. It is already getting hard to eat the meals. The good thing is I don't regret it when I do and I haven't once thought of purging.

I have so much more to write, but I leave for ice skating in a bit.

Anyway, go back in my archives...wow...that's all I can say!

Update...

Thanksgiving went fine. It's been the days since that have been difficult. For some odd reason, I managed to roast the turkey breast side down (how I managed that and didn't notice is beyond me) and my mom said it was the best turkey ever! So I cooked and I ate and I really am not sure if it was "too much" or not. I don't think so. I was full, but the idea of purging the food to feel empty and better did not enter my mind at all. That absolutely blew me away when I realized it hours later. My mom only mentioned being stuffed five time (yes, I counted) and no one got drunk! Woot!

Each since then it has been hard to eat and I have pretty much forced myself. I am not sure how much is a mental block and how much is honestly food on top of food on top of more food is actually a physical thing. With the stomach emptying problem I guess it is possible that some of this is physical...it feels that way!

It was a busy weekend at the HP and we start up again tomorrow and Friday with Sharks games. I love the energy in the building on game nights! Very cool. Yesterday I dropped a boatload of $$ at the Sharks Store buying a belated birthday gift for Lily, a couple of Christmas gifts and a long sleeved t-shirt for me! I can't wait until my hockey sweater (jersey...whatever) comes in! I had my last name with '06 on it (my hire year).

My shopping is almost done. My grandfather is becoming the hard person to shop for! I am holding off on more Sharks stuff for him.

I start house sitting next Monday (woo hoo!) and will start my baking next week as well. I just need to decide what I want to make for sure!

We are decorating the church for Advent/Christmas on Saturday. I am really glad we don't have an event Saturday night. It always makes for a LONG day!

The Food of Thanksgiving...

I know there is so much more to Thursday than food...but let's face it...the last "bazillion" years a lot of energy has been focused on that aspect. Do I eat, what do I eat, how can I still make something fairly tasty and yet leave out x, y and z so my family won't notice, do I keep the food down after I eat? When I first came home from Remuda in 2000 it was such a non-issue. That had been the first time in a couple years...since before that relapse. Thanksgiving 2001-2006 have had various stress issues regarding food. There have been meals that I have purged, there have been meals I have used a plate I had as a toddler to eat from because of the size and there have been meals where it looked like I ate more than I have. This year...not going to happen!

I think my biggest stress this year is my mom's insensitive, "I am so full I could throw up" that she will say probably a dozen time from the time she finishes eating until she goes to bed. I am so tempted to look at her and say, "I can show you how." But I am thinking that won't go over so well. Rob suggested that maybe I can find a funny way to say it...but I can't think of anything off hand. I have a couple days. Believe me...while I have no intention of purging and really don't have the desire (until I get full)...after I am finished eating and my feel a bit full, my mom repeating it over and over and OVER really does cause me to feel bad for eating at all.

There are days I eat three meals a day right now. In fact, this is happening more often than not. Except for this week. I haven't been feeling well and so I am not hungry. I haven't quite reached the point where I can not feel well and force myself to eat something anyway.

Okay...are you sitting down? Friday night I actually 100% totally enjoyed a meal! I went to Santana Row for a movie and then went to look around Crate & Barrel, Best Buy, Borders and, of course, Sur la Table. I went to Yankee Pier for dinner and ordered the hot lobster roll (as opposed to the cold one with yucky mayo and celery...hey...I have NEVER liked raw celery and I admit the mayo is more an ED thing than not liking it). Wow! Talk about great food. Wow! The cole slaw (yuck) I didn't touch and I sampled their house made chips (should have asked...I would have tried to sub a veggie)...but the lobster roll was to die for.

Turkey!

Sunday night I was back with the Junior Highers...oh wait...this made TWO weeks in a row! Woot! Seriously though...there are times I hate making the choice between them and the HP, but I also know I have to work so sacrifices need to be made. However, I am gladly sacrificing Van Halen to have a Christmas Party with the kids!

We took a little different perspective on thankfulness and used the story of the 10 lepers. We talked about taking people for granted and who might THEY need to thank for something big or even something little. I was THRILLED and I do mean THRILLED that I got not ONE card! It's such a default for them...thank you card...make sure we do one for Queenie/Chocolate Milk the First (one was my camp name from when some of the kids went to Junior Getaway Camp with me and the second is from an illustration the speaker from last year's JH Retreat used) and one for Pony (that is the nickname for Paul, the other JH volunteer).

We stared out with a "Create a Turkey" contest...






This was followed by the lesson and then Turkey Bowling! We wrapped up the turkey's carefully and they were not damaged in the short time we bowled. The turkey's were taken to Second Harvest yesterday morning.






I think I should have posted this after the other post I want to write...bit oh well!

Anyway, we are off this weekend because of the holiday and have a full December planned. I think I am finding my rhythm not being here each week and this is a great thing!

Ministry Stuff

I haven't said a whole lot about youth ministry stuff in a long time. It's going well. It's a fine balance with the HP and volunteer JH Ministry, but it's working out fine.

We are one of the few churches in our area that continually collects food for Second Harvest Food Bank. As part of Communion Sunday each month we also collect food for the food bank. Last night the Junior Highers did a canned food scavenger hunt. We did a combination of some Thanksgiving staples combined with what they needed most. I took the food in this morning and they collected $8 and 93 pounds of food in one hour! I am so proud of them.

The other thing going on isn't such good stuff. We have a registered sex offender in our church. He has been here a few weeks and I give him credit for being open about it to our SP, but I am very uncomfortable with it. That is my issue and I own it. I know he can't volunteer with either children or youth and that's fine. Then he went and made a mistake that is now casing a bit of an uproar and has be feeling...well....I haven't decided yet. Last week he was invited downstairs to eat with the high school group. He knows he cannot do it and did it anyway. A mistake, but life goes on. I have now come to learn that he was ALONE with the kids for a short period of time. This goes beyond a "simple" error. So, my SP is going to remind him of what he can and cannot do and let him know that if it happens again...he'd have to find a new church. I know that sounds awful...but he KNOWS he's not supposed to be with the kids...let alone be the ONLY adult with them in a room in the basement!

We background check our workers and the only ones that can do recruiting is myself and our SP so that is one layer of protection...but now it's deciding what else we can do and officially writing a policy manual. I have one for the Nursery and for Children's Ministry...I have never done a youth one because of Debra. Now that she is gone...it's time to set one up. It's fine...I have no problem with it...this whole thing just makes me a little uncomfortable.

I believe in forgiveness, I believe in second chances...but I have to admit this whole thing weird me out a bit. Again, it's because it hits close to home and a lot of stuff in ministry does and will in the future. This is just the first time in a long time. The "strange" thing is...it's kind of cool having other adults come to me and wanting my opinion and want me to help shape policy.

This n' That

I cannot believe how fast Thanksgiving will be upon us and then Christmas. I seem to live from event to event and Sunday to Sunday. That makes things go a lot faster!

A few interesting tidbits:

1. I was named employee of the month last month at the HP. This means a lot on so many levels. One of the cool things is that it came not only from my own department, but other departments have called Mike about me (I guess in a good way) since I started being positioned in the Event Office. I admit, it feels good to have the building services guys say they are happy to see me when I work in there. They tell me I don't panic about everything and that I get to know them. Heck, there was an usher who came into the office the last time I was there and the first words out of her mouth was, "Thank God you're in here!" Last night I found out that when I was on break Sunday the usher giving me my break (cannot remember who) another usher needed help from CRT and was blown off and told to handle it herself. J said something to Mike and said, "I know it wasn't Deneice because she'd never blow me off like that."

I don't want to sound self-centered nor boastful, but I know I am able do a good job because it's where God has gifted me. This job (and not just when I am in the EO) has me working within my gifting and I guess it shows.

2. I had a really good job review from the church. I was so nervous about it, but it went really well. We were on the same page when it came to what I thought I needed to work on and my SP thought my goals were good ones and realistic.

It took me a long time to be able to really shift my focus to Children's Ministry and really embrace it. It's hard to believe at times I ever did youth ministry!

3. Junior High group is going well. It is a real balance between HP and church. I have to sacrifice both ways. I have decided that I will be at youth group two weeks and at the HP two weeks. I'd love to be here for youth group every week, but unfortunately I cannot give up all Sunday events because I need the income. We are doing a Thanksgiving Scavenger Hunt this week for the Second Harvest Food Bank and I am excited. I used to do these all the time in So Cal and when I lived in Indiana and haven't done one here yet. The Junior Highers are excited and plan to bring friends. We'll come back to hot chocolate, apple cider and pumpkin pie.

Next week we start planning the Junior High Presbytery Retreat. I am so excited! Ryan is going to be our speaker! It's going to be a great weekend! It is also going to be an exhausting one as I will be there the week before with my 4th grade girls at Mount Hermon's Junior Getaway Camp.

4. Therapy...hmmm....I/we hit a rough spot. About 5 weeks ago I slid into another major depressive episode and brought things to a screeching halt. I thought he got what was going on (you know...since I talked to him about it), but I thought wrong. I got the lecture I haven't heard from him in months, but I saw it coming Monday. Things are starting to move again and this is a good thing. I also think the episode is nearing the end. I actually had a fairly easy time getting out of bed this morning and have a little more energy than I have had in weeks.

That's about it in a nutshell. I know it's all "surface" stuff, but I'll try and go more in depth soon. Although I have been saying that forever!

3rd Annual Trunk & Treat!

It's Heeeeere!

Last night was the first night of "HSM: The Ice Tour." The first half appears to be HSM and the second HSM 2. I think it went well. The guests seemed to enjoy the show and the little I got to see last night looks pretty good. Tonight I am at the dressing rooms so it will be Friday at the earliest that I might get to see the show.

During the run I have a couple kids from church coming to see it. One of them can come hunt me down, but I am not working the second shift Saturday so I'll miss seeing "V." If I could work a double...

I was at our south info booth last night and I found myself humming the songs or singing under my breath. I have only seen the first movie ONCE. I think it may be because I also heard the pep rally thing at DCA for days in a row, would catch stuff on the Disney Channel as I was changing channels, etc. Let's face it...it's all over the place! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

One Year Ago Today...

I cannot believe it has been a year since Amy died. I will never forget coming home and seeing an email with her name in the subject line. I knew what it was as soon as I saw her name.

Amy, you are still very much missed!

I've Been TAGGED!

I was reading Jeff's blog yesterday when lo and behold...I had been tagged! I am to tell you what I was doing 10,20 and 30 years ago. Hmmmm....

October 1997

I had finished up a great summer as a Program Director for Laurel Pines and was back at the Crystal Cathedral in Donor Services and a high school ministry volunteer. I was commuting between La Verne and Garden Grove and was just about to begin interviewing for my first paid youth position.

October 1987

This was my sophomore year in high school and I was almost 18! FINALLY! I had a great roommate and we had just gone through Rush Week and were now pledges of Alpha Delta Pi. We were in the midst of midterms and I was on both the newspaper and the radio station as a DJ.

October 1977

I have no clue. Let's see...I was almost 8 years old and I had my party at Aloha Roller Palace when I got my first pair of "real" roller skates. I had recently begun taking group lessons and loved every minute at the rink!

I tag Len, Gman, Mykel, Mel and PK.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

more funny pictures

J Lo, YMX Meets and More!

Things have been so busy and it's been hard to sit down and simply blog.

Tonight J Lo and Marc Anthony come to the HP and I will again be in our Event Office. I wasn't scheduled for it, but got a call yesterday. I was hoping to get to see some of the show, but now my ears will be spared! It is probably better anyway because...

...tomorrow I get to meet Ruthless! I have "known" her for a few years through YS and YMX, but have not had the chance to meet her. Tomorrow I am taking Cal Train to San Francisco and meeting her, her friend and the Tuna's! Okay, I am nervous about it...but am excited as well. Plus, I haven't been to SF in almost a year. I don't have a lot of time because we have a Sharks game tomorrow night...but I love to get up there when I can.

Last weekend was our High School Presbytery Retreat. I really have no complaints. It didn't go as smoothly as others, but it wasn't stuff the students would really notice. I felt kind of "off" all weekend, but I think it has something to do with the anniversary of Amy's death approaching. Either that or the change in weather. My guess is it is Amy.

Rob and I continue to set up the groundwork for EMDR and then derail a bit because there have been days where I need the talk therapy stuff rather than going into the EMDR stuff. I think that is how it is going to be. Both are really important to me. He had sort of questioned why I jumped at the chance of doing EMDR because of how I have struggled with it in the past. We ended up really talking all of that out and that was really good.

This past Thursday we did a little more groundwork and then talked about the awesome night I had at the HP last Tuesday. After working so much in the event office it was awesome to be Inside Director and interacting with guests. I did one wheelchair escort that was just a lot of fun and they tried to tip me at the end. I admit to being totally curious how much it was, but I handed it back and told them we are not allowed to accept tips. It was very thoughtful of them though.

That's all my "excitement." I need to try and write more often. There is a lot more to say...I just need to think about it a bit more!

Oh...GO SHARKS!!!

Where Do I Start??

I'll start here! Tonight we have our pre-season home opener. We play tonight and tomorrow at home. Tonight against the Ducks and tomorrow against Vancouver. I am really excited!

The rest of this....

1. Made my three year. I almost forgot about it. I was thinking about it (obviously, as I mentioned it in my last post) and then got busy with life stuff.

2. I have dealt with a lot of stuff in therapy, but have continually run, hid and escaped the sexual abuse issues. Mainly because I have minimized it (I know people who have been through a zillion times worse, etc.) and partly because the feelings are pretty much just as they were 25 years ago. This occurred to me Monday when the topic came up and so did the feelings from right after the molestation. Rob thought I was trying to dodge the topic yesterday. Nope. Just stalling a bit.

He asked me if I wanted to try EMDR again and I said yes. We have tried it a couple times with no success. The two things standing in my way have been not wanting to lose emotional control and not being able to firmly establish a safe place. The former popped into my head as I thought about the whole EMDR thing after my session yesterday and the latter we worked on yesterday and I think that will be OK.

I trust Rob and have for a long time, but I think it has taken me almost five years to really understand that. It dawned on me yesterday that I now out him in the same category as my chiropractor and that is HUGE. I don't think I have ever put trust in anyone (person) as much as I have Doug and to truly put Rob right up there is a big deal for me.

3. My aunt and uncle from Seattle will be here tomorrow. I am really glad that I work most of their stay.

No Quizzes Today!

No quizzes for today, or at least right now. I figured I'd do a real post.

Next week I hit a couple anniversaries. Next week will be three years of no purging and my first anniversary at the HP Pavilion. Both are a little surprising. I reminded Rob about the former and I think he is as surprised as I am. Not so much that I have made it three years with no slips or lapses, but that it has been three years and the time has passed quickly. The last few weeks have been a little difficult, but the main trigger has been wanting to get the anniversary here and over.

The HP anniversary is cool because it is a job that wasn't even on my radar until it happened. I received FOCUS tokens 4 & 5 in August and that is surprising. I set a goal to get my first four in my first year, but then I came to realize it is really subjective and you really need to be in the right place at the right time. So, I did my job as well as I could and it just happened. Believe me, FOCUS tokens are not the reason I do what I do...but I have to admit is a cool way to get some feedback every so often. Our first pre-season Sharks game happens on my hire date! Go Sharks!

At the end of August, Debra resigned. I have stepped in to lead Junior High youth group. Others have stepped in to teach SS and to lead the high school youth group and SS. The position may be advertised starting next week. I can totally accept being a volunteer and I LOVE being a volunteer. However, as I sat in our first "new and improved" adult leadership team meeting last night, I also realized how hard it is going to be to step back from a lead role and just how much I still love youth ministry. Maybe this means I need to start looking.

My biggest hesitation in looking is not finishing with Rob. I have been "left" by therapists and I have left a couple myself and nothing was ever finished. I think with Greg we were close...really close, but I moved to Indiana first. November marks four years with Rob and it truly has been in the last few months that I think I am trusting that he is going to be there and therefore trust risking more in our sessions. My emails are brought up in sessions (I had a really bad habit of sending them and not talking about them) by ME and I am able to vocalize a lot more than I have in the past. Obviously there have been many times like that, but then I have tended to go hide for long periods of time afterward.

Last week I got mad. I got mad and didn't explode, it didn't kill me and I didn't lose control. I didn't overreact, I didn't lash out, I admitted it and I allowed myself to actually feel it. My mom is a rage-o-holic (seriosuly, she drops a piece of paper and she goes from 0-180 on the anger meter in .08 seconds!) and anger has always scared me. Yes, I know Jesus got mad and didn't go over the top, etc., etc. But Jesus was also not beaten with a brush when He was 4 because He didn't know what boring meant and when asked a question said, "It was boring" and paid the consequences (well...he DID...but you get the picture). But, He did get mad.

This was a HUGE thing for me. When Rob didn't reply to my emails about it (that bugs me sooo much) I figured it wasn't that big a deal. Monday he let me know it was HUGE. I do get that we feel whether or not we choose to acknowledge it or let ourselves really feel the emotion, but I have done a fantastic job of minimizing, numbing and otherwise distracting myself from a lot of emotions. It honestly felt extremely freeing to feel it and let it go rather than stressing out trying not to feel it and turning it on myself instead.

I also realized that is ticks me off to have boundaries violated and that I do actually have them! I have just been ignoring those as well.

I don't want and have no intention of going backward but this is all very scary. I have been in this place before (with Greg) and I know this means that my days (though I am guessing a year to 18 months) are numbered with Rob. I don't think I will truly freak out about that until we move from two days a week to once a week, but it's there and I can feel it. We still very much have a proper client/therapist relationship...boundaries, yada, yada, yada...but it's changed a bit over the years and while I am not going to miss the therapy part one day, I am going to miss the book, music, sports talk stuff that has been such a huge part of our therapy relationship.

I shouldn't get ahead of myself. There is still a LOT of work to do. My mind still twists what he says (i.e. we have been somewhat going through a book/hand out and haven't because of other stuff and he wants to get back to it. My head has been telling me that he only cares about the book stuff and that all the other stuff is important), food is still a struggle and I still don't like myself very much. But, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that IS exciting.

How Do They Know???

Your Brain is Orange

Of all the brain types, yours is the quickest. You are usually thinking a mile a minute, and you could be thinking about anything at all. Your thoughts are often scattered and random - but they're also a lot of fun! You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about esoteric subjects, the meaning of life, and pop culture.

What Color Is Your Brain?

Thanks,Brian

LOL!

What Veggie Tales character are you?

Bob
Take this quiz!








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I'm Sad...

Sometime I hate email and what it brings. I got home from a baby shower and then a movie and found and email about this man: John Healy

I remember the first show I saw from San Jose Children's Musical Theater. It was at the Center for Performing Arts (normally they performed at the Montgomery Theater) and the show was "Annie Get Your Gun." The actress playing Annie was amazing. It was Girl Scout trip and two of the girls in my troop auditioned for "The Wizard of Oz." We went to go see that as well.

I was sitting in the theater and reading the program. There was a 1/2 page add with two hands clasped and a congratulations message for "John & DeeDee." It took me only a few seconds to realize that John (the director) married DeeDee (the one who played Annie!). I thought it was the coolest thing ever and as I watched him conduct the orchestra I wanted to work this man.

My mom being my mom, it never happened. She didn't want to schlep me to rehearsals. I was pretty ticked for a couple years about it. The man was a musical theater genius and I wanted to be a part of it.

At the beginning of my senior year in high school, we were left without a drama teacher. That also meant we didn't have a teacher for Musical Theater. For some odd reason my friend Lynn and I got pulled into the principal's office to be told to tell the class to hold tight and we should have someone by the end of that first week of school. He gave us the roll sheet and off we went to try and handle a class for a few days. At the end of the week...we had him...John P. Healy. The man I had waited 5 years to work with.

In my one year with him I learned sooooo much. He had student directors so I had the opportunity to do that with "The Mouse that Roared" as well as play a small part and put together the program with another friend. Our yearly variety show was planned mainly by the students. No matter what they said...we knew the groups we were in for some numbers were very much talent based, but that was OK. We had the George M. Cohan number! A group of us did a tribute the Mickey Mouse Club (so much fun), a spoof on a new disciplinary program ("The Wizard of AIM) and got experience making quick costume changes (i.e. a clown suit into a flapper dress).

Our Spring Musical was "The Music Man" and again I had an absolute blast with that show. It was my final show at my school and I don't think I ever had so much fun while working so hard (no offense to C. Michael).

They are doing a memorial service this weekend, but I can't be there. I have youth group on Sunday night. I wish we were making the switch back to Sundays next week instead of this week.

Icky Cold...

After working 8 of the 9:



And the Bello-bration song going through my head...STIL...

I am now like this (only she is better dressed):



and this:



This is so not fun. My guess is it had to come from one of the thousands of guests we had during the run of the show. Pretty much how I got sick so often last year. This is one of sneeziest head colds I have ever had.

But this:



Has come to my rescue! I had to fork over my driver's license because it is one of those not reformulated medications and it's been worth it. I can actually breathe a bit better and I am not sneezing every 10 minutes.

So, I have anti-viral Kleenex at home, in my car and at work and I am really glad after tomorrow's event, I can take it fairly easy for the next few days.

I Should Quit Seeing Movies...

So, this summer I have seen:

and most recently:

When I see movies like that and read her books:

I want to quit everything and go to culinary school! Actually, I think i would hate it and could take the joy of cooking away from me. But, my "inner chef" is absolutely taken in by all of it. I think that's why I like "Good Eats" so much. It gets into the science of cooking. While science wasn't my best subject, I am amazed how stuff works and why baking has to be so precise in measurements compared to other types of cooking.

With the job at the HP I don't cook near as much as I did a year ago. I really need to change that, but when I am rushing from one job to the next I don't have time to do anything complicated. I know I could go out and get some 30 minute meals books, but the stuff she makes rarely appeals to me.

I'd take hobby classes, but it's hard to do it when I am not always sure when I'll be working. I think the ones at Sur la Table are a little pricey, but would be worth it.

Actually, I am already looking forward to my Christmas baking! I know, it's August, but I bought my first Christmas recipe magazine on Monday.

The Game

So, I won the tickets for the 49er game. Even though they lost, I had a great time with my grandfather and though they were upper box seats, these were the best seats yet! I'd sit there again in a heartbeat.

The view of SF on the way to our seats

Warm ups pre-game

I have no clue what quarter I took this...but it was after Alex Smith was out.

Number 756 has been hit...

I have a bid on ebay for tickets to Mondays pre-season game against Denver...

And the Angels beat the A's at the game I went to with my grandpa last week!

Things can't get much better. Although, tomorrow night will be the funeral for Bill Walsh at Standford and then the public memorial at Candlestick (I will NOT call it by it's latest name) Friday morning.

I went to the doctor last night as a follow up on my leg. He said I pulled a muscle. I have pulled them before and I don't buy it. So, I will wait it out for another few week and then see what's next.

Tonight is...

Followed tomorrow by...

(Can I say I am SO glad they replaced the picture of him in a suit!)

and then Follow Up Training at:

Whoooooooooo....

Not sure if I mentioned it here earlier, but during VBS I did something to my lower back. I was fine...up and down ladders, up and down stairs, dancing/running around like an idiot (and having fun), etc. I got home and took a nap and when I got up...pain...lots of pain. The pain has not stopped since.

During PYT I had to ask for my small group room to be changed. The interesting thing abut that is I now had a different group of kids. We hadn't done small groups yet, but it is weird to think that this group wasn't my original group...whoever they are! Anyway, that helped a little as well as my roomie giving me some ibuprofen, but I still spent a lot of time in pain.

Came home...no change. Last Thursday I finally gave in to my mom's nagging and we headed to the ER. The MD said it wasn't my sciatic nerve (not sure I agree with it) but it was some nerve and so it's kind of a wait and see thing. They took X-rays to have some sort of baseline (and they found some arthritis in my spine), gave me a shot and a pill and sent me home with three medications to be filled. One is a muscle relaxer, one is an anti-inflammatory and the other is a vicodin/tylenol combo. Not really helping. I took yesterday off so I could take the meds regularly to see if that would help. Nope. Next step is to call Urgent Care for a follow up and see what happens.



I am currently at work and I had to take all three meds. No way could I go until late tonight. Why late tonight? No matter how much pain I am in, NOTHING is keeping me from seeing tonight's Angels game against the A's. The drive to Oakland and back is going to cause a lot of pain, but it will be worth it. This will be my 2nd Angels game this season and I am so excited. I have my PYT t-shirt on right now so I could show Rob and then I am going to home and change into my Angels shirt! Our tickets are MVP Infield tickets at row 20. The only bummer is it's near the A's dug out. I got the tickets on ebay so I spent $50 for the tickets and they are worth more than that. I love going to baseball games with my grandfather so this should be a lot of fun!

Right now I am having fun all by myself because of the meds. Weeeeeeeeeeee....... They should wear off before I go to see Rob. I hope.

Black #35

At our last Small Group meeting, each of us wrote an affirmation or something we liked/appreciated about each other member of our group. Not an easy thing to do because we had 22 people in our group. Either I misplaced 3 of them or someone didn't complete the assignment (it was pretty daunting)...but here are mine:

1. You kept me interested and awake this week which is a great accomplishment on
your part...seriously...you rock!

2. An AH-MAZE-ING Small group leader. Thanks so much I had a ton of fun!

3. You were a good leader. I am blessed to have met you.

4. Great leader and inspiration.

5. Teaches well.

6. Thanks for inspiring me.

7. Great leader. Brought everyone together.

8. Funny ( me: who knew??)

9. You are such a great small group leader, I'm glad you were mine.

10. Nice

11. You have been an awesome leader.

12. Easy Going

13. You're a great small group leader.

14. Thanks for being our leader! Great personality.

15. BEST. GROUP. LEADER. EVER.

16. Thank you for your time and energy.

17. Great leader. Fun.

18. You were an amazing leader and a great friend. Thank you for a great week.

I think what surprises me the most about all of this was that I had no clue all week. Last PYT I had a great feel for what I was doing and how the kids were tracking and pretty much what they thought of me. This time...not so much. So, yeah...I post this because I don't want to forget what was said and I know I'll lose 18 little slips of paper!

From Sabercats, to PYT to Sanjaya...

Sabercats will WIN the Arena Bowl on Sunday! I worked the final game on a concourse aisle!

Small Group Leader Orientation

We don't ask the kids to do anything we won't do! Wish I had a picture of ours...we got the biggest laughs. It is Peter walking on water and three of us were the waves and so we stood there and waved. :)

We were learning a new energizer so at least 200 knew what we were doing. "salsa, salsa,

Getting ready to enter the Elliott Hall of Music for opening worship!

Energizers as seen from the balcony!

I worked the AI concert last night. Not sure if this was from SJ or LA. Need I say more?

More PYT stuff to come!