So, yesterday's session was a little awkward. It is also interesting what gaps I have in my memory from time to time...and I don't mean these huge chunks of time or anything...I mean what day I cut (Thursday night) vs. being able to give Rob a blow by blow account of an event from over 10 years ago! Granted...that blow by blow account was seeing the first YP I volunteered under get fired and the aftermath...but it's still kind of strange. Just like that incident from a few weeks ago when Rob said something that hurt me and yet I couldn't remember exactly wha he said...just what it felt like.
At some point I have lost the ability (well misplaced it) to really look at a "problem behavior" and what lead to it, what I could have done differently, etc. I really concentrate on the distract part so I don't do it...that works abouyt 1/2 the time.
Last year at LIFE we had to fill out BCAs (Behavior Chain Analysis) when we "indulged" in a behavioe whether it be SI, purging, overexercising, etc. and getting caught. I'd do something and would be able to get away with it and then feel guilty and confess. I think I filled out like 6 of them in 2 two months. They really are a great tool to look at what else was going on what what was REALLY going on that prompted the behavior. Chances are, the last thing that happened may not be the thing that touched off the behavior in the first place.
I honestly do not look at the broad perspective or the whys anymore. Yesterday Rob and I made an oral contract. If I use any behavior he wants a BCA and then we go over it together during our session. I think he thought I would be against it. After reading through a couple of mine last night...I really welcome it should I need it. I found one that Aaron wanted me to do that I refused because I was ticked at him...so I am glad I have a blank one I can copy.
Thursdays "prompting event" was not what I thought it was when we talked. I think he realized it (I didn't until I walked out the door and then it dawned on me) when I couldn't come up with why I cut then when my mother has been...well...my mom...and I have resisted. As usual, he's right! :)
At some point I have lost the ability (well misplaced it) to really look at a "problem behavior" and what lead to it, what I could have done differently, etc. I really concentrate on the distract part so I don't do it...that works abouyt 1/2 the time.
Last year at LIFE we had to fill out BCAs (Behavior Chain Analysis) when we "indulged" in a behavioe whether it be SI, purging, overexercising, etc. and getting caught. I'd do something and would be able to get away with it and then feel guilty and confess. I think I filled out like 6 of them in 2 two months. They really are a great tool to look at what else was going on what what was REALLY going on that prompted the behavior. Chances are, the last thing that happened may not be the thing that touched off the behavior in the first place.
I honestly do not look at the broad perspective or the whys anymore. Yesterday Rob and I made an oral contract. If I use any behavior he wants a BCA and then we go over it together during our session. I think he thought I would be against it. After reading through a couple of mine last night...I really welcome it should I need it. I found one that Aaron wanted me to do that I refused because I was ticked at him...so I am glad I have a blank one I can copy.
Thursdays "prompting event" was not what I thought it was when we talked. I think he realized it (I didn't until I walked out the door and then it dawned on me) when I couldn't come up with why I cut then when my mother has been...well...my mom...and I have resisted. As usual, he's right! :)
1 comment:
"Chances are, the last thing that happened may not be the thing that touched off the behavior in the first place."
Yes. Well said. We are never snapshots, we are movies in progress. Our particular scene might be a result of something far down the line.
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