Homesick

So, I am back here and back in the office. It's OK. This week is pretty low key and I have time to put my plans down and think about them and all that fun stuff. There is a possibility we could partner with YFC for a Kids' Club and that would be fun! It is just finding the team that will commit for the school year.

Monday I told Rob as I walked out the door that I didn't purge once while I was gone. He told me how proud he was of me. I really had almost "planned" to do it last week. I had total privacy and could "get away" with it. I mean I would have had to fess up to him and Toni, but I could have done it. Beneath all the sadness about being "home"and having to come back here was contentment.

I think the one thing that struck me about my friends is the absolute unconditional love I get from them as opposed to being home where it feels very conditional. Not that I think I even deserve it from them...but they love me ANYWAY. With them it was like no time had passed. I mean there was playing catch up and all...but the connection was there and as strong as ever.

A friend pointed out to me that living with my mother is like living with/on teflon. I shared that with another friend last night and she agreed. I know I need out...but not to a point where I'd lose Rob or Toni. She's been OK this week...but it is living with the uncertainty from day to day that drives me batty!

So much to think about, pray about, seek God about.

I still need to think about Ron's questions and the answers to those questions. The one thing I cannot do is run. I want to stay in therapy with Rob until the end. If I knew Greg would take me back that could make a difference...but I am different than I was when I left So Cal and we may not connect like we had in the past.

I know there are no easy answers and right now that is actually OK. We'll see how long it lasts!