Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Dodged the Bullet...

I almost blew it tonight. I hadn’t had anything but the piece of quiche since last night and so I “overindulged” tonight and had maybe 8 oz. of chicken and a bunch o steamed (totally plain) broccoli. HUGE mistake. I wanted to get rid of it in the worst way. I had myself convinced I was going to gain at least FIVE pounds from that meal. Okay…3500 extra calories equals a pound. Multiply that and not very likely even if the meal had been deep fried!

But, who said ED is rational? I stood up, was all set to go purge but quickly emailed Rob instead. A real quick…wanna purge…emailed you instead and sent it. He replied so I emailed him back and am working on something for Thursday.

I really need to think about what the ED voices are saying and when and what else is going on externally. But, this is really the first time I have come this close…where I have actually made steps to where I purge…but I didn’t…I know that is good…but it doesn’t feel that way.

If I think about what I was feeling, it may have been that I was a bit upset at my mom because I sort had dinner planned out and then I didn’t hear from her so I didn’t know what to do and she wanted something I didn’t so I had to change it all.

I also got on the scale this morning, was hungry ALL day and wouldn’t indulge myself until this afternoon. I should chuck the darn thing…but I’d just buy a new one.


Jeff Stilwell said...

Thanks for the comment yesterday. I like your site and look forward to more of it. I'd love to link to you. I have many girls in my student group struggling with eating disorders. Keep telling the truth and Thanks again for the comment.

Jeff Stilwell said...

been a ym for 15 years, just got on ys forums through a friend. Can you believe it. God bless ya REAL good!

Cliff said...

Bravo Deneice! I'd say you won one, even if it didn't feel like it.

Good job!