Rob has agreed to allow me to email him my food intake until Toni is back from maternity leave. Ever since I freaked out about the apple last week I realize that if I don't make the effort to let someone see what I am eating vs. what I am supposed to eat I can easily continue and then make adjustments to not even doing what I am doing.

So, I gave him a copy of my meal plan and did tell him I left out the three optional snacks, but that the rest is what is on my RR plan. I am not even sure how much he is going to comment on it when he gets the emails...but at least there is somone who knows exactly what I am eating and when.

We talked a lot about the ED voices yesterday and how fighting against them won't help. Rob said I need to just let them play out because if I do that and do what I need to do anyway, it will stop in time. I have conditioned myself so well that the voices will be overwhelming for a good time to come. Then there is the fact that I have to get over my continuing insistence that I do not deserve food and that it may be basic human need...but not for me.

You'd think that Deneice City over at the YS Forums would really help me see that it IS okay for me to live, to eat, etc. I think that is the one thing that Rob said yesterday that I really didn't answer back with anything. He talked about food as a basic need for survival. I wanted to tell him that the jury was still out on me wanting to survive...but I thought better of it.

I told him that I am not buying gum and that is a GREAT thing...if I chew gum I will not eat. I used to go through almost a whole big pack a day. I used to know calories for just about everything I even thought about eating. They are two small things...but things that show there has been SOME progress...but in the long run those two things are miniscule.