Tuesday, January 11, 2005


I don’t know what is going on. Food is a problem anyway, but lately even more so. For some reason I am hungry all the time and today I “gave in” early and had an organic apple with about a ½ T of PB. Logically, I can tell you that I know that was nothing…a snack. But I went into full panic mode afterward. Okay, the last time I felt that panicked was when I had a flashback in Rob’s office weeks and weeks ago. This was a little better that that…but not much.

But, at 5 PM I was “good,” and had a balanced dinner…and then got online because I wanted to get rid of said dinner. Last night I went to “those sires,” but am really happy I had a love/hate experience with them.

Part of it reading “Changes that Heal.” While I agree with all good ‘ol Henry says, it is making me all topsy-turvy. Granted, I really don’t see others as all good or bad as I do myself (all bad anyway)…but I do have problems with that in my family. They gave/give me all this “stuff” yet were and still are abusive and trying to reconcile all that makes my head want to explode.

Of course, I think it is better to see myself as all bad until I can reconcile both parts of me. Can you imagine if I thought of myself of all good? Run…run away!

I am way functional…but I do want to be MORE than that…if I just didn’t have to eat to make that happen!

No comments: