Today was interesting. I totally misunderstood what Rob was saying because he totally misunderstood what I was saying. He thought I was telling him I was tying to force myself to eat when I wasn’t hungry so he told me I know my body and if I don’t think I need to eat…don’t. I thought he knew I meant restricting and IGNORING my hunger. So, my head is playing games and putting words in his mouth that he thinks I am a beached whale, that he thinks I am fine without food, that I don’t need it, etc.
By the time it was almost time to leave I was ready to go home and cut. He asked me how I was feeling and I told him. Well, I told him I wanted to cut and I didn’t know why but it was like I was a pressure cooker and I needed to release the pressure. If I would have looked at the clock I wouldn’t have let him calm me down…but I thought we had time. Anyway, he tells me to sit back and take three deep breaths. I did. He then had me clear my mind and as I did that I was able to tell him I felt stupid for not being able to just let those voices play out and eat anyway and that he had me so confused. We talked it out. He prayed. We hugged. I left, got in my car and looked at the clock. We went over about 15 minutes. I am really grateful for that.
He also accidentally called me “friend” again today. He knows I hate that because he is my therapist, there is NO friendship…no one based on anything outside of that office. Although, he did tell me that he is just “mostly my therapist,” meaning there is some sort of friendship there. He also had to apologize for making fun of me. He should know better. With all that he said before we got it worked out, I was very silent. I haven’t been that quiet in a very long time. At one point, just as I was about to say something, he picks something up off his desk and says, “They are offering a new continuing education class…Mind Reading 101.” THAT backfired. He took one look at me and apologized.
My mom woke me up at 4:30 this morning to ask me a couple questions and I should know going into a session when I am not at full sleep is a bad thing. But it is so good to know that I can tell him that I am confused by what he is saying and that he welcomes the questions!
By the time it was almost time to leave I was ready to go home and cut. He asked me how I was feeling and I told him. Well, I told him I wanted to cut and I didn’t know why but it was like I was a pressure cooker and I needed to release the pressure. If I would have looked at the clock I wouldn’t have let him calm me down…but I thought we had time. Anyway, he tells me to sit back and take three deep breaths. I did. He then had me clear my mind and as I did that I was able to tell him I felt stupid for not being able to just let those voices play out and eat anyway and that he had me so confused. We talked it out. He prayed. We hugged. I left, got in my car and looked at the clock. We went over about 15 minutes. I am really grateful for that.
He also accidentally called me “friend” again today. He knows I hate that because he is my therapist, there is NO friendship…no one based on anything outside of that office. Although, he did tell me that he is just “mostly my therapist,” meaning there is some sort of friendship there. He also had to apologize for making fun of me. He should know better. With all that he said before we got it worked out, I was very silent. I haven’t been that quiet in a very long time. At one point, just as I was about to say something, he picks something up off his desk and says, “They are offering a new continuing education class…Mind Reading 101.” THAT backfired. He took one look at me and apologized.
My mom woke me up at 4:30 this morning to ask me a couple questions and I should know going into a session when I am not at full sleep is a bad thing. But it is so good to know that I can tell him that I am confused by what he is saying and that he welcomes the questions!
No comments:
Post a Comment