Monday, January 03, 2005

He's Back!!!!!!

I'm sorry. I am just really excited he is back. I mean, I really didn't even need him while he was gone, but I would rather know he is there by VM or email if need be.
I think I shocked him today. I gave him real answers to the questions he asked about Xmas Eve and NYE. Real answers being real feelings...not stuff like "I wanted to disappear." He was very happy I was able to do that and thrilled that it has been 3 1/2 months since I purged and 2 1/2 months since I cut. I keep telling him that those numbers are no big deal yet and my food intake sucks so it is really easy NOT to purge.
He gave me "homework," which I forgot. I called him and haven't heard from him. Since this is his first day back I am guessing that he was booked solid. I also need to tell him my feelings about him changing his mind about the contract. Part of his reasoning (we talked a bit about it today) was he doesn't want me to continue to white knuckle the behaviors because I am afraid of the contract. I get that...but I still need to tell him I think he is being wishy-washy and like my mom when he does that stuff!
Rob also started to talk about the email I sent him that had both Xmas Eve (well...24th 2003 and 23rd 2004) blogs (edited) in them. It was what was supposed to be in his card that I didn't get a chance to do. I cut him off and changed the subject because I didn't want to talk bout it...I will not talk about it!
Anyway...I need to think about actually eating today.

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