WILLOW: OK. But, you need help, Buffy. I know you, and I know you'll never admit it, but you need help.
BUFFY: I'll be OK. OK, or better. It's like my guarantee.
That is SO me. Never admit it...never reach out when it is in my face.
As my mood continues to spiral down...as I continue to burn 1000 calories just on cardio equipment (and then not losing any weight this week...thank you PCOS)...as I continue to struggle and try and figure out why my head is where it is...I have two perfectly good "helpers" in my midst and not sure I am doing a great job of asking for their help.
But, then I think that is not totally true. Today went well with both of them. Rob is helping me to wade through all this...except I am left with more questions and frustrations than anything...but he is trying to help me untangle all that is in my head and NOT judging it. Toni is willing to work with me...until I am ready to stop working out like a maniac. Well...I am limited to three days a week and she knows that I may not be able to do that. But, because I am not eating enough she is worried about my phyiscal being...much more than I am.
Rob asks me what he isn't getting about all this. I keep telling him it's not him it's me that isn't articulating anything right. We have a running joke that he is never wrong (and yes he has been which is why it is a joke) and so he reminds me he is never wrong so it IS him. Maybe it's simple. The struggling is no big deal. The 90% willingness to dive back into the ED means nothing other than I am having some problems in some area of my life and this is serving to cover that up. I wish I knew.
And, through this struggle, I get really frustrated with myself because...well...just because...not ready to get into that here.
Sigh...
BUFFY: I'll be OK. OK, or better. It's like my guarantee.
That is SO me. Never admit it...never reach out when it is in my face.
As my mood continues to spiral down...as I continue to burn 1000 calories just on cardio equipment (and then not losing any weight this week...thank you PCOS)...as I continue to struggle and try and figure out why my head is where it is...I have two perfectly good "helpers" in my midst and not sure I am doing a great job of asking for their help.
But, then I think that is not totally true. Today went well with both of them. Rob is helping me to wade through all this...except I am left with more questions and frustrations than anything...but he is trying to help me untangle all that is in my head and NOT judging it. Toni is willing to work with me...until I am ready to stop working out like a maniac. Well...I am limited to three days a week and she knows that I may not be able to do that. But, because I am not eating enough she is worried about my phyiscal being...much more than I am.
Rob asks me what he isn't getting about all this. I keep telling him it's not him it's me that isn't articulating anything right. We have a running joke that he is never wrong (and yes he has been which is why it is a joke) and so he reminds me he is never wrong so it IS him. Maybe it's simple. The struggling is no big deal. The 90% willingness to dive back into the ED means nothing other than I am having some problems in some area of my life and this is serving to cover that up. I wish I knew.
And, through this struggle, I get really frustrated with myself because...well...just because...not ready to get into that here.
Sigh...
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