????????????????

I asked Toni for the extra 15 minutes and she agreed to it. I saw what I did as the smart thing to do. I didn't decide that I knew better than she did, I didn't do it first and ask permission later, I didn't lie about it, etc. But now it has become a huge issue of confusion.

I had CC'd Rob with it so he knew I was asking Toni and why I wanted the time. Yesterday he asked me why I did that and that started a whole thing about control and being dependent on Toni. I'm still really confused and don't want to say too much while he and I pound this issue out...but what I told him was I saw it as no different than how I view our agreement should I purge/cut. I do that and I have to do a BCA on the whys and what what I was feeling, etc. It's a verbal agreement. Toni and I basically have a verbal exercise agreement. I also don't see anything wrong with giving her control over how much I exercise because if she didn't set the limits she knows, Rob knows and I know I would be there 2 1/2 hours 5 or 6 days a week. As I learn to be okay with moderate exercise and see the benefits of it...the controls will go away.

It got a little heated (very new...I hated it) and we found a "mom filter." He never once told me that what I dis was "bad" or "wrong," but that is the way I filtered everything and now I need to learn to see it so I can tell him before I "sink" when it happens.

Sigh...