The Mom Filter

Yesterday, I emailed Rob and apologized for raising my voice to him. I had no reason to and have been feeling a couple things. I was feeling bad for doing it in the first place and scared to death of him because he had raised his voice to me as well and while it wasn't anywhere near how loud my mom can get...it's a voice I never want to provoke in him again.

I got a email back from him telling me that I didn't need to apologize and that he was sorry for raising his voice at me and for being too firm with me. Since he brought it up I told him I didn't think he was too firm, but that the voice raising was felt through the "mom filter" I already had going and it scared me to the point of not wanting to come back on Thursday. I know he would never intnetionally do anything to hurt me and the fear I feel has nothing to do with him and everything to do with getting screamed at by my mom. He was not as loud as she was, or as angry (a little frustrated), but it took me back to a place of just wanting to hide and stay out of his way.

It should make tomorrow and interesting session. I will go, I will talk this through with him and we will move on...but the pull to bail is so strong. I have about 5 hours left that I can bail without having to pay for the session anyway.