Major, major anxiety today and I am not sure why. I know there are a million stressors and it is hard to be here and have nada to do with the youth, but I have to freaking get over it so I can do what I need to do for Children's Ministry. And, of course, I forgot to bring my seroquel with me.

It could be because I ate my meal plan this morning and I feel overly full. It is amazing how much you can lose ground just restricting a few meals. The overwhelming fullness, etc. But, I am doing what I supposed to do. I can hear Amber saying that if you get off track you can get back on by eating your next scheduled meal or snack.

I am really curious what God has in store for me next...it keeps rolling through my head what a male youth worker said to me once...I should just marry a YP and make my life easier. I wanted to slap him! Not that it wouldn't make things a little easier...but then there is trying to meet...what am I saying...that is the LAST thing I need right now. Or the best thing for mee right now...but I am so not going to go there.

Although, I am old fashioned enough that I would love the chance to only have to work PT (and have it not kill me like it is now $$$ wise) and be able to stay home and raise kids & partner with whomever in his ministry. Okay, then there is the fact I am 33 and because of the PCOS may not be able to have kids...but that's a whole other issue. Heck, this whole idea is a whole other issue because unless God drops someone in my lap...it's all fantasy.

I think I will pop over to my grandparent's place after work so I can get my camera and upload my photos and get more clothes. Maybe...I have plenty of stuff at home...but not "Remuda Clothes" the ones that I wore there...helps me feel a little comforted right now. The whole "self-soothe" thing. I may wait until tomorrow when I am actually in that area after seeing Rob.

Okay, I'd better scoot...at least get one thing done today.