Wow...it's been a lot longer than I thought since I updated this thing. Geesh...

Let's see:
* I am home
* My job has been changed to part-time ONLY with Children's Ministry
* I no longer have insurance which means I am dropping to only the meds that I truly need...to the tune of over $200.
There are two I have had to give up because they wouls cost almost $500 a month and there is no way I can do that
* I have $160 in the bank that has to last until the 15th that I need to pay for meds, my therapy sessions, groceries, bills
and gas with. Hmmm...looks like therapy is out the window for a couple weeks.
* I would be in better shape $$$ wise...but I had to sink over $200 in car repairs this week.

My last 30 days at LIFE were good...but eventful. Let's see...after I got off meal support I think I did well for another week or two and then I cycled into a major depressive episode. This time I was actually vocal about the suicidal ideation and wanting to self harm. So, I ended up on eyesight for a weekend and didn't get to go to Independent Living. I went to Staffing to plead my case and when I met with my therapist...she said that after I presented they really wanted to extend me...but as they looked at the treatment goals...I really did meet them. And, they felt I was cycling out of the episode. I felt good about the decision because of the feedback I did receive from them...they said I showed I can fall flat on my face with my meal plan but can pick myself up and get back on track and that everything else I need to do I can do outpatient. They also think that me tripling to doing 7 times the calories (depending on the day pre-Remuda LIFE) a day was a HUGE accomplishment.

So, here I am almost two weeks later and have only missed one meal and self-harmed only once. No purging! So, as much as I wasn't sure if I really had any internal motivation...I guess I really do.

Honestly, my financial situation does have me stressed...but I am getting through it without my Seroquel (left it at work) and with those two exceptions...by not using behaviors. Believe me though...the ideation is strong...but I am not giving into it and am using my skills.

Anyway, there isn't a whole lot new. I am sick of eating 3x a day...but I am doing it and hope to be able to enjoy food one of these days. I get to stay at my place...at least until the end of this month. I can't afford to have my phone again yet...so this could be bad if I run into a crisis...but hopefully I can afford to have it again in August. My part-time job gives me just enought $$ to qualify for NOTHING help wise. I hope I get the disability papers soon so hopefully I will have at least enough $$ fromt hat for my meds and therapy..if that happens...I may be okay.