I had a good appointment with Toni yesterday. We talked about my slips and what's been going on, etc.

We set five goals for the week and one of them is flushing the three diet pills I found in my desk. I found them a few weeks ago and just haven't bothered to get rid of them. It's like they are some sort of "safety net." It's like as long as a still have diet pills, my scale, a smattering of behaviors here and there if I decide recovery sucks...I am prepapred to go back. Sick and twisted I know...but that's where I am right now. Of course, I know "just in case" can serve the wrong purpose so I am watching that.

Yesterday I decided "screw" the money issue and went to a movie. I was way early, so I went to Starbucks and had a tazoberry and sat and read for an hour. It felt so good becuase it was so normal! I like "normal." Then I get so afraid that "normal" won't last.

Toni is setting a limit on my exercise as I thought she might. I am on the same contract I was on at Remuda. Three days a week...ugh! I may sneak in a 4th every so often and I can walk as well...but three days seems so "little." But, we all know I have it in me to overexercise and she says I am pushing it with what she is saying I can do. So, we'll see. Eventually I can probaably increase the days and decrease the intensity.

I took all my sleep meds last night and I overslept and am still so sleepy. I am going to have to take a nap when I go home. If I thought I could leave now, I would in heartbeat.

The high school kids leave here at 6 AM tomorrow morning. Part of me wants to see them off...but I know that would be way too emotional for me and why purposely put myself into a situation where I know I will hurt? I am not that big of a glutton for punishment!