So, here I am again...waiting for "Big Brother 4 to start at 8. I can't help it...it sucked me in last season and now I have to watch the first one. Looks like no good guys like Jason Guy from last season. But, between this and "Amazing Race" I will have have plenty of mindless entertainment. I really miss Tara, one of the MHTs, when stuff like this comes on. We used to watch whatever reality show was on when she was working. I had to call the cul-de-sac today to talk to one of the Nurse Practitioneers. Tina K answered the phone and it was awesome just hearing her voice for a few seconds. I would love to talk to Aaron...but I don't dare try and call just to see if he answers. Partly I want to call because he had a great way of challenging my thoughts about myself and my body image.

I also need to go back to my place. I am running out of creative meal ideas and as much as I like Kashi...it's not exactly dinner. Not that I didn't get all my servings in because I did...fruit and all...just I should be making "real" food for dinner. I also know I am feeling way vulnerable right now and at least by staying here...I may have to put up with a lot from my mom, but it's accountability and safety.

My "twin" called me this afternoon which was awesome. I hate being hundreds and thousands of miles away from the people that are really supportive. Not that I don't have some of that here...but it does make me long for my friends in So Cal a bit. Two and a half weeks and I am already questioning if a) I wasn't better off dead and b) ...I want to recover why? To come home to a big financial mess, having to cut down to a 1/2 hour with my dieititian, once a week with Rob...still needing brakes and a new engine mount for my car...oh...and I need a new color ink cartridge for my printer at work. At least I won't need the color for a few weeks.

I keep thinking of the affirmations my therapist at LIFE had me come up with and the ones Aaron wrote on my mirror to erase all the negative comments I had had there...and try to remember that while right now I have a hard time believing any of them...Betsy and Aaron saw some stuff in me that's good.