Wednesday, May 12, 2004

The Car, My Mom, Etc.

Monday my mom quit speaking to me again because I hadn't called the DMV yet. It was anooying, it was stupid...but I still let it get to me. So, I got home yesterday and she started in again and I called. Just as I thought...they have not processed my Release of Liability yet as they are 60 days behind. But, as soon as it is processed I can get a copy no problem.

As crazy making my mother is...she is going through ^$%^& at work that is NO fault of hers at all. It should get interesting and hopefully her boss will get the boot...making the bakery a safe place for all! She had to call Rob to see if she could info from him that she may need (she saw hime ONCE and it was supposed to be for me...but given her own need for was about her work stuff) in case it gets nasty. It was weird listening to her talk to him and not me!

I almost got the monthly lecture from Rob on Monday. It was a mini-lecture and everything he said was true. This is what I struggle with. Okay...I should wait until tomorrow because I have been beter about telling him first THEN blogging about it...but I need to get it out! Anyway, I have a simple statement to make. I know it is not a true statement, I know that it is from years and years of loss, etc. and I know it's obviously not a personal affront (people move, die, etc.)but my stuck point on Monday was, "Why does everyone want to leave me?"

I couldn't get the words out because I KNOW there isn't a whole lot of truth to it. But, as we come upon the anniversary date of Marc leaving, my mom and grandmother sharing with each other that they don't care if they died...I'm a little shaky about the whole thing. I get on a "head" level why I would say that and why it even makes sense that I feel this way...but the whole "core of my being" is convinced it is because of my badness, my unworthiness, etc.

Tomorrow that is what I will tell Rob. Then he will probably tell me how "profound" that statement is. The toad!

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