Saturday, May 08, 2004

I AM E-V-I-L...

My grandfather has never said anything remotely mean to me in my whole life. I take that back...once when I was 7 and I did something that ticked me mom off...he agreed it was a "ticked off" offense...but with all the other %%#( I have put my family through...he has never said anyhing bad to me or called me anything bad.

When he realized what I did about the car incident...he called me stupid. The one person in my family who isn't even related by blood (he is my mom's step-dad) that I thought loved me unconditionally called me stupid.

I want to purge the ugliness and evilness and "wrongness" out of me...but after 15 years that hasn't done any good.

Why does God keep me around?

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