I almost ended up in the hospital. Rob was ready to make the call. We fought about it because I told him a 72 hour hold during the holidays with no real staff/programming will do nothing for me and not take away any thoughts/plans. He said maybe it would be a wake-up call...I told him that wouldn't be likely and he knew it. We lapsed into stony silence...it was weird...usually I am the one who quits talking...not him.

He finally looks over at me and tells me we can't keep doing this and wouldn't believe me when I said that I don't know how or where to start. It really, really sounded like he was going to terminate me. I broke down in tears and said, "You're gibing up on me." He told me he wasn't and I can't remember what I said but I know I didn't agree with him!

Rob then got up and I was almost 100% sure he was going to call 911. He got up and closed the blinds (as the sun goes down...you can see in the office) and then came back over and just held me and told me that he wasn't giving up on me, but he is going to keep pushing and "kicking your butt." He said if anyone is going to decide when I walk out that door and not come back it will be me...not him.

Rob said at the core of it all...beyond therapist/patient that we are brother in sister in Christ and that I mean a great deal to him and if I need him to repeat his commitment to me over and over he will.

I thank God for him each day...I told him he was my "Giles" from "Buffy" and he laughed.

So, I still have to check in and Monday we'll see where we go.