I am not quite sure where to start...the last few days have been well...for lack of better words...a living hell! Marked with moments of safety and a greater appreciation for Rob than ever.

For those who don't follow along in other places...my mom tried yet again to kill herself Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. I had the "pleasure" of listening to the whole thing happen biding time until she went to her room so I could call 911. Then, my mom being my mom, she got ON the phone. So I had to go a a couple blocks to a pay phone to call 911. They kept her on a 72 hour hold, changed her anti-depressant and she has been home since Friday afternoon.

That night is was almost ME. But, I committed to Rob and I also would never do it at home where my mom would have to come home and find me. So, I cut a little bit and then baked my head off to distract. The next day I took my pills to Rob...but it turns out he can't leagally keep them for me so he had to give them back to me Thursday night. He calls me like at 9:45 at night to tell me (he was still at the office) and so I went ahead and picked them up then because I needed one to try and sleep.

Time for a new plan because I told him my old one since I gave him the pills. I'll tell you one thing...after the last few days...I'd better succeed because as odd as it sounds and I'd rather my family deal with me being DEAD rather than the other stuff.

I'm not sure still what I feel...but I need to keep it in check anyway because I need to get through church.