Today was pretty much what I expected...with a twist.

We (I) were getting no place...he wouldn't let me be performing monkey and I wouldn't allow the tears to fall that were there. He finally asked me if I wanted him to sit anyplace else rather than across from me on the floor. I have wanted to sit on the floor lately and he's game!

At first I said no and then I moved over to the giant bear and told him to come sit next to me. He put me in a headlock and then he put his arm around me and we sat like that for a bit and then he just became my Siamese twin for the rest of the session. I felt safe and relaxed and able to talk so that was good.

We talked about my identity or lackthereof and the scariness of not knowing who I am outside of youth work and the ED. At Remuda they told me not to worry about that part that it would come...but what if it doesn't? What if I am what I think I am and everyone else is wrong...okay...I am convinced everyone else IS wrong and they finally see it? *SHUDDER*

I promised him safety until Monday when I see him...and for now he accepts it. The closer we get to the New Year...the more I have to have a game plan before he does what he needs to. I am just thankful he is trusting me right now.