Here I Blog...it's a Saturday...it's my day OFF...but as long as my main purpose in life seems to be wanting to crawl into a Coke can and dying...this is a safe bet.

I called Rob last night and left a VM about my pill stockpile. No reply. As I was in Michael's this morning getting extra supplies for Creation Station...I dawned on me I am at least "safe" until Christmas. I have a craft project I want to make for Rob and his family and haven't started on it yet.

It should scare me that every time I go through these thoughts...I add a new piece to the overall plan...but it doesn't. Method...check. Timeline...check. Location...check. But, it is my faith that keeps me from taking that last step. I pray, I think of POSITIVE things...but I feel like I am continuing to fall down this dark hole. I feel so dirty, so digusting...so damaged that it's hard to be in this world I love and around the people that I love.

I am not seeing Toni on Minday because I can't bear to face her. I'd probably cancel with Rob as well...but I NEED him. I hate being needy.

So, I am going to hang here a bit...go home and read and then get ready to watch Game 1.