Okay, enough of the goofy quizzes. I am doing it stay grounded. As I told Jeff...I am having trouble staying present and have lost track of days this week and that has never happened before. That along with the flashbacks have made for an interesting week. As long as I don't forget to see Rob...I'll be okay! That and I am taking seroquel with me as I have no clue what today will bring and I want to be prepared. I haven't taken it in weeks so I may not need it...but I want to prepared just in case.

I feel so bad for Steve Bartman...the police have to guard his souse, he had to have his phone disconnected and we all know his name. It is a GAME people. No one deserves what has been happening to him. And that poor ferry captain...what is our world coming to? If he did fall asleep...there will be consequences...but what he must have been feeling when he jumped off the ferry and then went home and the despair....so says the woman who now has the meds she needs to do the job herself...but I still can't fathom taking that last step...no matter what I feel.

Last night...gosh...I can't believe I am talking about this in "public," but hey...if it helps any of you with your kids...I am in the middle of SI and the thought of moving the blade from my leg to other parts of my body...well...it came and went...but it came. If I believed that God is a punishing God...I would believe that my probable inability to have kids would stem from my responsibility in "that night," but I KNOW better. But I feel so darn dirty...

Anyway...I know that He isn't and one has nothing to do with the other...but I feel damaged in so many ways...and this is a HUGE one for me.