Woo hoo! Cable guy comes to my mom's next Monday! I didn't want to be without cable when I move even for a few days...silly really...but my mom is going to see what she has been missing. Then again...how much Animal Planet can one person watch?

Rob is a gift from God. I want to avoid him like the plague at this point, but he is a total gift. He makes me laugh...he had me going so hard at one point he said maybe he is supposed to make sure I have plenty of laughter in my life right now. Then later he gave me a "laundry list" of what he sees in me and what he thinks God is going to do with all of this some day. I wish I could be Youth Pastor to his kids someday so when they complain about their dad I could help them with that.

As we yet again jumped into the abuse scenario...I could see the whole thing right in front of me. Rob sat back and watched me and realized that when it happens I am seeing it all...partially as a third party and partially as being right there...and the feelings come and I can speak them...and I do feel them...but the dam doesn't break and he wants it to. He thinks the real healing will start when I let the dam break...I don't doubt it. I guess the good thing is he won't move onto anything new (unless something "big" happens) until I can get through this one moment. Rob thinks if I can get through this one then we can go through the rest of them.

I am just so scared of letting that dam break and I am not sure why. I feel so safe there with him and I have Frederick in my arms...and it's all right there when he takes me through the scene over and over...but something is holding me back...God...PLEASE help me break through that and give me the courage to do or remember or speak whatever is holding me back.