Yesterday was interesting given having the 90 minute session on Saturday. In some ways I feel like we are beating a dead horse going over the abuse over and over and over and we ended up on a different tangent part of the time yesterday which I so much appreciated.

Rob wanted to acknowledge what I said about my dad and we talked about that for a little bit. The memories that I have that are real (I have checked them out) even though they were when I was 2 and 3 years old and stuff like that. Rob knows that I call myself an accident because my parents had to get married. He asked me how long they knew each other before they got married. I told him, "Well, my mom was three moths pregnant when they got married...so at least that long." He was amused.

We also talked about the aftermath...keeping the secret for three years, my friend Chris making sure he was with me if Del was at our house doing mom's taxes, the police, etc.

I know what Rob wants and I want to give it to him...but crying in front of people is not a strong suit. He gets the tears running down my cheeks thing...but not the dam breaking he's praying for. It'll come. I have been with him for 11 months now and I know what's going on in my head...which one of us is leaving? Again, I know what he has said...but there is that nagging fear that I will be abandoned.